i'd rather google it

i have been a lunatic;  a googling, neurotic, helicopter, mad mom.

as many of you know sweet katie has had a bad skin infection for 7 weeks.  we have walked through many mis-diagnosis's, sleepless nights, itchy, all consuming, dry skin, painful skin,  abundant tears, frustration, no-end-in-sight, body rash, NIGHT MERE!

about a week ago we were almost out of the woods. things were healing, and then wham-o, it all returned with a vengeance the next morning.  at the same time mark started working the night shift, 7pm to 7am, so i had lots of free time.  "what did i do?" you ask. did i watch chick-flicks and take bubble bathes? unfortunately, not.  i googled it. i know, i know my number one mistake. for three nights straight i googled, and googled, and googled, until PUFF i turned into a googling, neurotic, helicopter, mad mom. the intentions at first, were very pure, help katie get better. find some safe, at home remedies, to soothe and heal her skin. that isn't so bad, right? but the sleep deprivation plus the obsessive amount of hours trying to play dr. mom, lead me to a very dark and disturbing place.

i want my child to feel better.  but i made a bad mistake filling my mind with google information, instead of filling my mind with Peace.  i turned to my computer, instead of the Comforter and Healer. i spent more time trying to control then praying for my baby.

last night the Lord so powerfully used these words to draw me to Himself.

 Jesus speaking, "it is not so much adverse events that make you anxious as it is your thoughts about those events.  your mind engages in efforts to take control of a situation to bring about the results YOU desire.  your thoughts close in on the problem like ravenous wolves. determined to make things go your way, you forget that I am in charge of your life.  the only remedy is to switch your focus from the problem to My Presence.  STOP all your striving and watch to see what I will do. I AM THE LORD!"  sarah young, Jesus Calling

i read and reread those beautiful words.  how unworthy am i that my Savior finds ways to gently remind me of my place.  He was waiting eagerly to encourage my spirit with those words. i am so grateful that i came to Him.  that in a very dark place, i wept before Him.  not of my own desire, but out of remembrance of who and what He is to me.

this morning our friend and other pastor, Jason Schubert, very appropriately put into words the constant battle of looking to other things, like google, instead of looking to our Redeemer. thank you Jason for that reminder.

i had to adamantly apologize to my children, especially katie, for not leading them to the place of true healing. i had to repent of my anxiety and pride, thinking that i could do this alone. i had to repent of my neurotic, mad mom, ways.  i had to convey to them in word and DEED WHO we were going to go to for the answers, and how we were going to conduct the way in which we sought relief for katie. it's humbling, very humbling to admit wrong to four sets of impressionable eyes.  but healing, oh so healing, to gain their forgiveness.

if you think of it, please pray for katie.  pray that we can find a way to help her, via doctor, home remedies, or rest and relaxation :)!

happy day of rest and gladness,
~s