"I can still believe that a day comes for all of us, however far off it may be, when we shall understand; when these tragedies that now blacken and darken the very air of heaven for us will sink into their places in a scheme so august, so magnificent, so joyful, that we shall laugh for wonder and delight"
Arthur Christoper Bacon
A year ago today, I watched you breathe your final breath. I saw your chest rise and fall one last time, and the finality of the words, "she's gone" filled the room. I experienced the most sacred exchange that day; your broken body and mind for the clothes of newness and righteousness. You traded in your valley of the shadow of death, for a cup of eternity spilling over with life. Your absence here on earth immediately meant that you were present with your Beloved. Oh what a glorious thought! Oh what love divine! Oh what healing hope!
Every time heaven has been mentioned in the last 365 days, I cannot help but envision you whole. All the heart ache you walked, now seen as a,"light and momentary affliction" compared to the eternal weight of glory you now dance to. I know your dancing.
When Christ shall come with shout of acclamation and take me home, what joy shall fill my heart! Then I shall bow in humble adoration, and there proclaim, my God how great Thou art!
And when my task on earth is done, when by the grace, the victry's won, e'en death's cold wave I will not flee, since God thro' Jordan's leadeth me.
And Lord haste the day when the faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll,
The trump shall resound,
And the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul
So Spirit, come, put strength in ev'ry stride,
Give grace for ev'ry hurdle,
That we may run with faith to win the prize
Of a servant good and faithful.
As saints of old still line the way,
Retelling triumphs of His grace,
We hear their calls and hunger for the day
When, with Christ, we stand in glory.
In thirty one years, you seem to have weaved yourself permanently to my heart, moms are good at that. I think of you everyday; browning ground beef, folding laundry, thumbing through the card section at Walmart, packing a school lunch, cutting onions, washing dishes, making scrambled eggs with your secret ingredient, walking passed the garden section, brushing my teeth, cursing the Chris Tomlin song, "I Will Rise" that follows me every where I go (just kidding :), tasting Amaretto, seeing your handwriting on endless cards and recipes, recognizing a familiar spark of tenacity in my girls, and without fail; every time my hands slip open the word, you are at your closest.
Mom, I miss you! I miss you!
On this day, one year since the great exchange, we honor you, we celebrate you, we remember; not just that day, but all the days written forever on our hearts.
I love you!