four weeks ago today katie started public school. it is ONLY fair that i blog about this story. by now, most of you have read the heart breaking series about the play ground episode. if i cataloged every story i would have to start a new blog dedicated to just school stories... i am not doing that. so, here are some things that we are experiencing, learning, and growing through.
first of all, i would have never considered sending katie to public school if i was not confident in the relationship that she had with me and mark. in the littlejohn house nothing is off limits. no question is turned away, no topic is not thoroughly explored (age appropriate answers OF COURSE--well, except when Mark answers in engineering terms), every feeling is validated then a teaching moment typical ensues. we TALK with our children, not AT them. this has been practiced as long as we were crowned "parents!" we talk in front of our kids about a wide range of things. the kids have heard us disagree, and then heard us work through our disagreements. it's NEVER perfect. but, like i mentioned before, it's real life. with this foundation we sent katie off knowing that when and IF things needed to be talked about, she would come to us. and b/c she is a first born, she has come to us with EVERY detail. of course, i have eaten it up :)
example number one:
katie was slapped on the rear end by a boy in her class. i went ballistic. this young man was not trying to be sexual, he was trying to cattle katie's rear end out of the walking path. katie was humiliated, OF COURSE. we headed straight for the principal's office. the principal and the teacher were amazing. their steps to resolution were effective and professional. our worries were taken seriously ( it didn't hurt that mark was armed with an oozy... TOTALLY KIDDING!) of course my initial reaction was, "i am pulling her out tomorrow!" this is awful. this is sexual assault and i won't have it. i won't have some boy touching her rear!" and while i had every "right" to pull her out, i knew through prayer and counsel that wasn't the answer. katie, mark, and i had hours on conversation about this situation. it involved talking about how our bodies are a gift from God, they are to be treated with respect, and when a boy or a girl touches us like that it is unacceptable on every level. we apologized for the way she felt embarrassed by his actions. we prayed for him, that he would quickly learn that this behavior is unacceptable and that he would NEVER make another girl feel like that. we prayed for katie, for her heart, for boldness to return to school and not feel ashamed. at one point she said that she didn't want to get this young man in trouble. which lead to a conversation about how this young man got himself into trouble, she is not getting him in trouble. we talked about personal responsibility for our actions, and repeated things that have been an on-going conversation in our home since katie was 3. about who is allowed to touch her, where they are allowed to touch her, and why. like i said, nothing is off limits.
a few days later she received an apology letter from this little boy. she promptly wrote him back, "dear boy (no name to protect his identity from fellow gun carriers),
thank you for your apology. i forgive you. would you like to be friends now?" katie.
*sigh* again, my daughter is practicing concepts far beyond her ability to fully grasp; forgiveness.
is this HOW i wanted katie to continue to flush out ongoing forgiveness in her life? um, not really. was i ready for this in my own heart? um, not really. i kept thinking, "this would have never happened if i would have sent katie to a private school or kept her at home." i carried guilt about this experience in my heart. but then memories of my own schooling came back. once upon a time boys were popping our bra straps and all hell broke loose in mrs. hoffman's office. :) that was oddly comforting. i survived those inappropriate advances, and i know that katie will survive this also. it's already forgotten if you ask her about it...
but all the while when thinking, "this wouldn't have happened here or there!" the real truth is, is that we would have never had these hours worth of conversation with our daughter about these really important and special things if this DIDN'T happen to her. we wouldn't of had these growing moments in our own hearts had this not happened. i wouldn't had been given the chance to see my husband so decisive and direct about the care of his daughter to the principal.. which reaffirmed in my mind ALL over again why he is the best dad ever. and made for some lovely after hours moments :)!!
this is ONE situation that we have already grown leaps and bounds by. one situation, that has already deepened our daughters trust in us in real life situations. she already knows that with us ALL things are safe. that we can help her solve some math problems but we can also solve life problems.
this is only the beginning of the things that God is doing in our life through public school. i can't wait to tell you about the robber, the gangs, and the dirty words tomorrow :)
until then,
~s
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