Living in the Storm: How is your mom?

we have been home a month and it's finally time to post about my Mama.

first and foremost, it is AMAZINGLY, wonderful to get to see my mom so regularly, (it is amazingly, wonderful to see ALL of my family so regularly!) however, it took a little bit for mom to "get used" to seeing me so regularly. for last nine years my mom's connection to me has been my voice. talking 3 to 4 times weekly, she never struggled with pin-pointing the caller. and if i am journaling to remember "how it was", and to inform others of "how it might be" this is part of the nitty-gritty. several times in the first few weeks of us being here my mom would look at me and i knew she didn't recognize me. i was not a familiar person in her daily life. and i have a new haircut that she has never seen on me in my whole life. but there have been moments where she shrank away from me on the couch, or once i was walking down the street to bring her into my home and she began to walk the opposite direction afraid i might cause her harm, acting as if i was a stranger. that is until i spoke. the second my voice waves reached her ears her body would settle, she would let me touch her without shrinking away from me, she did not turn away from me b/c she knew i was safe and i would never cause her harm. she knew my voice. she didn't recognize who i was, and what in the world i was doing, BUT my voice caused her to remember.

here is the classic "val hall" transition, "that is what we do to the Lord!"

isn't?

when we can not see the Lord, or see what the heck He is doing in our lives, and sometimes it feels like His intent is to cause us harm or pain.  He looks unfamiliar, we can not place Him.  Our circumstances are unfamiliar. we shrink away from His touch, and often run in the opposite direction away from Him. away from Him and right into the path of TRUE harm. that is, until we HEAR his voice. until, we SEEK to hear His voice. when we silence EVERYTHING else in our lives, and listen for Him, and HIM ALONE. when the white noise settles and the sound waves of HIS voice reach our ears.. our bodies settle, we allow Him to touch us in the innards of our dirty, appalling,  ship wrecked, and damaged lives. when we hear Him, we will not turn and run from Him b/c we know that He is safe. and that He would NEVER cause us harm. when we hear His voice we will recognize Him... just like scripture says, "my sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow Me".  His voice will cause us to remember Him, His promises to us, and His faithfulness in our lives.

the one thing that i have wrestled with during mom's sickness is if the Lord claims, "to never leave nor forsake us" that He would make His presence known to my mom and her ailing mind. that no matter how sick, weak, forgetful, angry, or out-of-it she was, that at the end of the day she would "know" Him and hear His voice. there is no doubt that He is near her. He has not forgotten her, and more important than Mom even knowing Him, He KNOWS her. He knows His sweet, faithful, sheep by the name valerie, and He prepares a place for her where her mind and body will be made whole.  And therein lies our hope, our motivation to get out of bed, and risk being forgotten and hurt... but oh my, she is worth it! He is worth it!

~s