Feeling Phat on Fat Tuesday!!

so after a rough, funky (licious), day yesterday i sobbed my eyes out to my hubby on the couch at 10pm last night, had a "come to Jesus meeting", slept all night long, and began again today. a new day is a beautiful cure to SO many of the things that plague this heart of mine. and there is no price tag for a good sobbing on your husband's shoulder....

the Lord is always so good to bring sweet scripture to me that meets me right where i am. that's the thing about the Bible. it's not some good book filled with some stories about a bunch of screwed up Israelites that couldn't ever seem to get it right... rather, it's active and so alive, and able to rescue us wherever we are. it brings a message of hope, healing, encouragement, conviction, truth, guidance, wisdom, strength, and so much more. i would have no idea how to cope with the things that plague me if it weren't for the promises in scripture. i have slept with my very head and hand pressed against the Bible. i have laid it on my chest... not b/c i think it's some magical rabbit out of the hat trick, but it symbolizes how desperate i am to be near truth. when i have no words, when i cannot seem to break the things that hold me bondage, i call out and reach out for this, my protection. here are words He gave me for today:

Isaiah 63:9
In all their affliction He was afflicted,
And the angel of His presence SAVED them;
In His love and in His mercy He REDEEMED them,
And He lifted them and CARRIED them all the days of old....
...Hallelujah what a Savior!

why i am on this note i am about to conclude one of the most life changing bible studies i have EVER done. after spending a whole year in "breaking free" by beth moore, i hesitantly complete the last chapter this week. it is so bitter sweet to read back through the last year and confidently declare that our Savior has set this captive free in the area of deep rooted fear. no, He just didn't wipe it away, but graciously He taught me how to fight bondage. it was ugly, awful, painful, terrifying, discouraging, and almost more then i could take... hence, the reason it took me 12 months instead of 9 weeks :)   but He didn't give up on me. His most severe mercy came in the form of allowing me to experience some of the down right most scary things i have ever encountered... one of those moments was watching mark turn blue and preparing to perform CPR on the love of my life. you ask, how can that be merciful? how can you trust in God that allows those things to happen to His beloved children? oh, friends... it's so much more complicated and intimate then a "big, bad, God letting bad things happen to us." no, no, it's so much more about a tender God not leaving us alone and ferociously refining us to look more like Him. He is saving us from the things that entangle us. He is tearing down walls in our lives that don't allow us to see Him as He is; Abba, Emmanuel, Creator, friend, love, refiner, all knowing, ever present, good, always good! needless, to say i highly, highly, recommend this study to ANYONE!

here are some the most precious promises i have explored and written on the tablet of my heart for the rest of my life!!
Isaiah 61:1-4
  The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me,
  Because the LORD has anointed me
  To bring good news to the afflicted;
  He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
  To proclaim liberty to captives
  And freedom to prisoners;
  To proclaim the favorable year of the LORD
  And the day of vengeance of our God;
  To comfort all who mourn,
  To grant those who mourn in Zion,
  Giving them a garland instead of ashes,
  The oil of gladness instead of mourning,
  The mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting
  So they will be called oaks of righteousness,
  The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.
  Then they will rebuild the ancient ruins,
  They will raise up the former devastations;
  And they will repair the ruined cities,
  The desolations of many generations.

the highlighted part is what amazes me. i am humbled that through my darkness, my sin, my weaknesses, my place of bondage, that the Lord intentionally desires to reveal Himself through inadequate vessels like me. He is glorified in me b/c i simply want abide in His presence as the daughter of the King... forever.... not b/c one ounce of "good" or worthiness, or blessable-ness is in me.. NO, it's ALL about Him! He is worthy, He is good.. and He LOVES US! that is MERCY!!!

happy fat tuesday, being filled with the truth!
~s