Valentine's Day Bombed!

valentine's day was awful, just plain awful! well, ok, so only parts of it were awful. mainly the part that involved interacting with my husband (minor problem).... ok, so remember how i was going to try and ooze more love and chocolate? i only partly succeeded. i was able to ooze lots of my love onto my four little wee valentines.. but miserably failed at actually showing my real valentine that i loved him. instead, i was ugly towards him and gave him the silent treatment. you ask, "you've been married how long, sara?" i drop my head,  "almost ten years."

oh, yes folks... the littlejohns fight. the littlejohns argue. the littlejohns even fight and argue on valentine's day. who does that? well, after starting this post i found one of my bestest friend's post here and just died in laughter. just go and read it and then you'll see.

so anyway, in the middle of valentine's day hub-bub, pink cards, singing cards, family calling and handing out hugs and kisses over the phone, precious moments card, red cards, chocolate desserts, and a special dinner; mark and i weren't speaking. mark and i are not screamers. that doesn't mean we are any better then the people that do scream, we both just shut down and retreat to our boxing corners. silence.  hours of silence.

 i can't stay mad at anybody for long periods of time.  especially my husband. when things with mark are on shaky grounds i might as well stop doing whatever i am doing.. b/c nothing else matters.

remember when i wrote that post about saying "I love you, please forgive me" here.. well, i definitely had to take a piece of my own advice. so after the chocolate melted and the flowers died (not really, i just added that for a dramatic effect!)  our night ended with, "i am so sorry for the horrible things i said, would you please forgive me?" we always make our kids vocalize the offense, then ask for forgiveness... not just a quick, " i am sorry!" this way the offense is stated.. because sometimes we apologize and it's not even the source of the conflict for the other person involved. for instance mark can come home from work late and say, " i am so sorry that i am late", which gives me the opportunity to say, "it's not that you are late, you didn't even acknowledge my presence when you walked in the door..." see how vocalizing the offense helps? and then ask for forgiveness. not just i am sorry... but will you FORGIVE me? which requires a response from the other person involved. saying i'm sorry does not require action from the other person.. but a question draws that person into the solution... will you forgive me?

so yeah, not a valentine's for the scrapbooks... but not a wasted valentine's day either. real life even happens on days where you are suppose to be celebrating world-wide-love! :) next year i will try to ooze more love on my actually valentine... i make no promises though. ;)!!

very relieved to have yesterday behind us.
very relieved for the precious gift of forgiveness.
very relieved for restoration in relationships.

happy NON-valentine's day!
~s

God be Merciful To Me: (Psalm 51)

God, be merciful to me,
On Thy grace I rest my plea;
Plenteous in compassion Thou,
Blot out my transgressions now;
Wash me, make me pure within,
Cleanse, O cleanse me from my sin.

My transgressions I confess,
Grief and guilt my soul oppress;
I have sinned against Thy grace
And provoked Thee to Thy face;
I confess Thy judgment just,
Speechless, I Thy mercy trust.

I am evil, born in sin;
Thou desirest truth within.
Thou alone my Savior art,
Teach Thy wisdom to my heart;
Make me pure, Thy grace bestow,
Wash me whiter than the snow.

Broken, humbled to the dust
By Thy wrath and judgment just,
Let my contrite heart rejoice
And in gladness hear Thy voice;
From my sins O hide Thy face,
Blot them out in boundless grace.

Gracious God, my heart renew,
Make my spirit right and true;
Cast me not away from Thee,
Let Thy Spirit dwell in me;
Thy salvation’s joy impart,
Steadfast make my willing heart.

Sinners then shall learn from me
And return, O God, to Thee;
Savior, all my guilt remove,
And my tongue shall sing Thy love;
Touch my silent lips, O Lord,
And my mouth shall praise accord.