sex is sacred.
sex is important.
i desire in no way to belittle, mock, or remove honor and awe from the power of a sexual relationship. i believe sex is only blessed and overflowing with richness, security, purity, and freedom, when it is shared in the covenant relationship of marriage.
i respect and cherish the marriage bed.
it fascinates me how little people have meaningful conversation about sex. every commercial, tv show, movie, book, etc.. is more than happy to sell sex and to promote a sexual agenda, but no one wants to talk about sex. people are happy to joke about sex, and annihilate any shred of true meaning or weight that it represents, but no one wants to really talk about it. except our very attentive God who speaks about sex A LOT in the Holy scriptures. some think that when you surrender your life to God you have to sacrifice exhilarating, passionate, make-you-sweat, kind of sex. not true. if you get a chance read, 'Song Of Solomon', and you will see just how serious, beautiful, and pro-sex, our God is.
they say most couples fight about two major things; finances and sex. lots of churches and community organizations offer financial assistance, financial counseling, financial peace sunday school classes, but you have to go digging for sex assistance, sex counseling, sexual peace sunday school classes. some people skim over a section about sex in their marriage counseling, but often it is done as quickly as possible to remove any type of uncomfortableness for all involved.
not understanding the importance of a healthy, regular, and intimate sex life for married couples, is a quick, painful, and sure-fire way to lose the road to an abundant married life. *
women think that sex is simply meeting the high demand of their husband. but study after study, shows that sex for a man is so much more emotional then one might ever dream. the status of a man's sexual relationship with his wife effects EVERY AREA OF HIS LIFE. when a wife thinks she is simply saying, "no" to the sexual act, in all reality the only thing the man hears her saying is, "no" to him as a man, a leader, a friend, a companion... in other words he hears, "you are a failure." if a man is convinced he can not even get his own wife to love him, then he will feel defeated in all areas of his life.
it's that serious.
mark and i have been married 109 months. out of those months i have either been pregnant and or breastfeeding for 88 months. we had 14 months together as newly weds before we got pregnant with katie. and trust me our life has not looked the same since. our sexual relationship sure hasn't. that doesn't mean our sexual life is non-existent... obviously, we have four children. it means that in the last 8 years we have had to be VERY intentional in our sex life. pregnancy, babies, postpartum, toddler-hood, shear exhaustion, etc... has a way of zapping every sexy feeling out of a mom and even a dad. none-the-less, we have adamantly tried to continue to woo each other, learn about each other sexually, and keep our marriage bed full of life, laughter, fun and precious connection.
i am also convicted that i often run to the Lord with loads of needs, "please encourage mark at work today, please help katie be confident, please help julia control her temper, please help lucy focus, please help anderson grow into a Godly man," but i hesitate when i bring before the Lord this very deep and personal issue of sex. if we all were to consistently ask the Lord to grow our sex lives, to sustain the intimacy in our marriage, to initiate desire where it is lacking, and glorify Himself in our marriage beds... this world would be a lot more populated!! ;)
happy marriage bedding,
~s
p.s.
*please understand, i realize there are situations where physical and emotional limitations have to be taken into consideration. the lack of intimacy b/c of these circumstances does not mean a couple has an unhappy or unfulfilled relationship.
p.p.s.
literature plug:
intended for pleasure by ed and gaye wheat
sheet music by dr kevin leman
the act of marriage by tim and beverly lahaye
red-hot monogamy by bill and pam farrel
the language of sex dr. gary smalley & ted cunningham
no more headaches: enjoying sex and intimacy in marriage by dr. julianna slattery
i love you sara littlejohn :)
ReplyDeleteGreat post Sara! I still remember the Valentine's Day talk you gave at Grace a couple of years ago. It was helpful & encouraging, just like this post.
ReplyDeleteOf the books listed, I have only read "Intended for Pleasure," and i second it as a good read for anyone headed into, or already in, marriage.
THANK YOU. I couldn't agree more. Still working through IFP. What's even more interesting is trying to keep up a relationship when one spouse is here and gone...it is too easy to focus on the physical act and neglect the emotional communion, and be deceived into thinking we are meeting each other's needs...you have given me much to pray about!
ReplyDeletethank you so much, sara, for posting about such a "taboo", yet vital part of our married lives!
ReplyDeleteSara, Thanks for the post. I, too, should pray about this area more often. Why in the world do we not. I mean He created it! WHAT are we thinking???:)
ReplyDeleteAmy