after you have "a-nother" you are too dang tired to helicopter parent. typically, subsequent children are FAR more laid back than their older siblings their every move was not scrutinized by two, overly energetic parents :) (unless the oldest child is so laid back that the 2nd and 3rd born naturally select a path of stark contrast to the first).
back to preferences. i do not have the time, the energy, the desire to oversee every decision my children make during the day. there are so many things that i honestly will not waste my words on. like for instance, all of my kids dress themselves. unless, we are missing an article of clothing, or it's sorely mismatched, we go about our business. mismatched socks, flip-flops, shoes? who cares! i am just so grateful they remembered their shoes. currently, anderson only wants to eat with measuring spoons. i could force him three times a day to eat with a spoon, but why? if the little man wants to eat with the measuring spoon, i say, "GO FOR IT!" lucy prefers to only drink cold water from the bathroom sink, because she says it colder than the kitchen. again, you go girl! you walk to the bathroom, pull out the ladder and fill your cup with cold water. why fight that? julia wants to sleep with 25 stuffed animals in her bed along with some of the most random stuff...ever. i did fight it for a while, claiming "how in the world can you sleep with all that stuff in your bed?" but i quickly let it go. jule bean, if you want to sleep with stuff in your bed, you are the one that has to sleep in it... not me. go for it! katie, insists on wearing shorts and tank tops all year long when she is at home. i could waste my energy and make her put on "winter" clothes, but why? again, you go for it katie-bug!
these are only a few preferences in a long list of preferences that happen continually all day long. i learned long ago, to save my words for situations where preferences such as, "hitting your sister to get your toy back," were of far more value than the utensil you eat with. or, the preference of "getting out of my bed during rest time" needed to be quickly addressed as opposed to water location preferences. believe it or not, i am a pro at conservation. there is no telling how many times before i open my mouth i ask, "is what i am about to say/correct/analyze/critique a preference of my child's that is totally harmless, or is it a character issue worth addressing?" i have saved myself millions of words over 9 years by contemplating that question. i don't get it right every time. there are some days when the monster mom in me can not seem to remember that children are in fact children and they are allowed to have preferences, even if they totally drive me nuts. that is MY problem, not their's.
in the end, i want my children to have sweet memories of their mother. not memories of a mother that nags and nitpicks at ridiculous preferences. when i speak to them, i want them to listen. then when i enforce my preference or a family preference, it is much easier to accept because it's not spewed out in a long line of preferences all day long.
parenting is the hardest job in the entire world. i have to conserve every ounce of energy to refine, define, mold, shape, instruct, guide, lead, and direct my children. one of the smartest decisions we ever made was to allow our kids to have preferences. however, big or small it might seem... somethings, a lot of things, are just not worth oozing over.
so here is to dinner with a measuring spoon, cold water from the bathroom, tons of bedtime friends, and a tank top for all seasons!
happy, happy, preference monday!
~s
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