or you have the time when we were driving from kansas to mississippi on I-55 and POP-BLITZ-BLAM-OH! we had a flat tire. it was the more shocking, everyone in the car starts crying, and we tried to keep the van from spinning out of control at a high speed... flat tire.
two very different types of flat tires.
can't life sometimes seem like a flat tire?
i mean, like... the slow deflating type. don't we all face situations in our lives that seem to slowly drain our energy, our stability, our focus, our passion? on many levels we come to anticipate them and carry around inflaters (coffee is my choice inflater) in our back pockets. if you are parent, like many of our readers, you know the slow deflation i am talking about. when i had a 5 yr old, 3 yr old, 21 month old, and a new born, i told mark i felt like i was being pecked from sun up to sun down by little chickens, "peck, peck, peck, peck!" between the wants, needs, and the whines, it was an unbelievably exhausting season for me.
then we have those shocking POP-BLITZ-BLAM-OH, situations that happen out of no where (loss of job, loss of home, loss of life, loss of marriage, loss of security,...) and all of the air in our life is automatically sucked out and we are left with mere shreds of an existence. lots of tears are shed and we try and keep our lives from spinning out of control at high speeds.
the older i get the more sensitive i get to the ever present group of people i come in contact with daily that are hurting. whether from a slow leak or an unexpected blow out.
lately, however i have just been trying to patch up the slow leak in my own life.*clause* for future reference it is NOT a wise idea to combine a move with another major life crisis. remember here when i talked about major milestones with my children and how i NEVER combine two MAJOR things at once? i was a really wise person when i wrote that. i realize that i could have not predicted the happenings in my life in the last month, but still.
ok, you are thinking, "where is she going with this? all we have is a flat tire that seems mildly depressed and in need of a some free air from quick trip! wrap this up lady with 3 points and a conclusion!"
i am not really sure where i am going with this, which is odd b/c usually indecision is not my battle.
i guess what i am trying to say is, i've got a slow leak.. i have been more impatient, unsure, inconsistent, moody, hurtful, and selfish these past few weeks than maybe ever before in my life. i feel like i am rotating my tires to see where the slow leak is to patch it up to try and save the tire... but when one hole is patched another is punctured. it can be a very difficult ride here on the tire rotater.
the other night i was having a "moment" with katie. we've been struggling to find our way back to the teacher/student relationship. me being too hard-her being too sensitive. i was asking her to forgive all the screw ups i had that day (there were MANY) and it only took me getting out, "i'm so sorry" before we both started bawling. katie wrapped me up in her arms and through sniffles and snot she said, "Mama, i know this thing with Grammy is really hard for you, it would be really hard for me if you were going through something like what Grammy is going through.. so, i totally forgive you!"
and there, wound up in the heart of my almost nine year old, was the patch that i needed to begin to repair the slow leak in my heart.
katie knew the exact source of my slow leak. not only did she know it, she accepted it and tried to put herself in my shoes. she extended me real forgiveness.... and a patch.
mark said at lunch today something to the effect of, "all i want for our children is for them to be able to really love other people!"
man, he is SUCH a great dad!! and what an amazing desire!!
i hope that you can extend patches today, or like me, be blessed, and be the recipient of a patch!
~s
first day of school pic
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