Happy Birthday, Mama!
It has been such an empty and strange spring without you. The weather has been erratic at best. A seemingly good reflection of our hearts as they continue to bear the weight of missing you so. May Day was followed by inches of snow, you would have had to dig your "Janice-May Day" basket out with a shovel.
I have had so many sweet and precious dreams about you. I love dreaming about you. It floods my brain with fresh images of you being whole. More often than not we are laughing, smiling, walking and talking together in a brief moment of what once was. When I wake up I have to convince myself that you are gone.
I thought over time the hole of missing you would grow smaller, but in all reality I think the hole grows bigger. As the hole widens I delicately fill it with memories, hoping to bridge the chasm of space and time. Something has just felt "off" since November 21st, like my heart is on crutches and I am struggling to find the new, "life without mom" chapter.
Dad is so good. He is doing exactly what you would have him doing. He gets all lit up when he talks about all the opportunities he is exploring with all kinds of missions organizations. He is making your retirement dreams come true! You would be so proud. His flowers look fantastic, again!
Andrew says the Mother's Day commercials are killing him. Darn that Hallmark channel you loved so much. I was hoping to skip that day altogether this year.
We are trying desperately to walk this road together as a family, checking in on each other, watching for signs of "camping" in the wrong places instead of just "going there" briefly. You taught us oh. so. well.
The grandkids are so big and so rotten. ;) We are getting everything we deserve. They talk about you. They miss their Grammy, a lot!
We are trying to keep Jonathan on the straight and narrow, although a box of Lucky Charms mysteriously showed up in the pantry, Dexter was blamed. The Royals are winning and Jonny is giddy as a school boy! And did I mention the Chiefs had the number one draft pick this year. I know, I know, don't get our hopes up.
I miss you the most when I am in the kitchen, scrubbing the baseboards, or bleaching the toilet. You served us faithfully, and without complaint.
Zach has kept Dad entertained with "Swamp People",
Jo and I cook a lot ( I know you aren't surprised). The boys are always cracking "women" jokes when we all get together. We are still working our way through the chicken broth in the pantry. You did love some chicken broth.
We like to all document our mom moments by proclaiming, "Why hi there Val!"
Blue Springs misses you.
Today you would have been 68 years old, but I know that without a shadow of a doubt you would shout with the psalmist, " Better is one day in Your house, better is one day in your courts, better is one day than a thousand else where!"
So you just soak it all up Mama-Mama; dance with David, share an espresso with Esther, an amaretto toast with Timothy, sing with Sarah, pied pipe with Peter, sight see with Samuel, and maybe even jive with Jesus (as Marcus Coker would have you do!)
We miss you, we miss you, we miss you! Everyday we miss you!
Happy Birthday!
I love you.
~Sara
(This picture was taken last year on Mom's birthday)
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