My melt down came a lot sooner than anticipated. Last night I was up most of the night, I just couldn't convince my brain to turn off. Yesterday, I almost threw up while I began the monumental mental process of packing an entire house of 6, in 31 shorts days. Ever since Mama died, my stomach has carried the brunt of any stress my body contains. Thankfully, chiropractic care has been amazingly wonderful in regards to keeping things on the straight and narrow, but yesterday I began to feel a flare up.
In between tucking children back into bed in the middle of night, and swatting away the bad dreams, this thought smacked me hard and tied me down with fear, "I cannot move back to Mississippi, I am NOT southern enough!" Then in a sleep deprived state, which tends to be overly dramatic and emotional, I proceeded to think about all the ways I am absolutely the furthest thing from southern.
* I do not drink sweet tea.*
This alone should could warrant a "Yankee" tattoo on my forehead for the rest of my days.
*I do not own cloth napkins*
Hospitality is one of the south's biggest strengths, but it is not normal hospitality, there are doilies, and china, and more doilies, and tulle, and Gail Pittman pottery, and iridescent chiffon. And me? Well, I am all "if you want to see me, come the heck on over.... If you want to see my house and china, give me 48 hours!"
*I hate grits and chick'n n dumplin's*
Yep, you read that right. They make me gag. Salted ones, sugar ones, peppered ones... Only one time have I eaten grits that I liked, and Andrew Vincent knows where they are!! :) This could potentially have the official GRITS (girls raised in the south) group picketing my residency.
*Myself and my girls despise bows, and we own nothing with smocking on it*
Collective gasp beneath the Mason Dixon Line!
*I specifically request that people do not send me 'thank you notes' and rebel against their inner etiquette to save a few trees.*
*"Because we have always done it this way" is neither a motivation or valid reason for me to wear a dress to a football game in 100 degree weather with 100% humidity*
For real, put some shorts and a tank top on and call it the new tradition. More prayers for my salvation.
AND MY FINAL REASON FOR NOT BEING SOUTHERN ENOUGH!!
* I do not own a single tube of lipstick*
I had to borrow some for my Mama's memorial service. Truth.
Recently the girls asked me why I didn't wear lip stick, to which I replied, "Because it has formaldehyde in it and I don't want to eat it!" Which provoked the question, "What is formaldehyde?" My response,"something they inject dead people with." Which lead to Lucy telling her friends, "My mom doesn't wear lip stick because it is ground up dead people in a tube!" AWESOME!
You see, I am too northern for the south and too southern for the north. That's why God sent me to the midwest. I smile too much for the north, and am lacking in all kinds of proper etiquette for the south. Again, that's why I grew up in the midwest.
*sigh*
But with the light of a new day, I am reminded of when Moses told God he was not eloquent enough to go to Pharaoh. And God said, "Now, therefore GO, and I will be with your mouth, and teach you what you shall speak!"
And I am A LOT sure that God has made a way for us to GO, and that He and He alone will bridge the gap of my insecurities of not being 'southern enough'. That He will teach me how to speak and be southern again without sacrificing my authenticity. And most importantly He will be with my un-lipsticked mouth and all of it's midwest glory!!
So here is to my GOING, even if I am the furthest thing from eloquent and southern!
~Sara
P.S. My sweet, southern husband would like to make sure you read today's post with laughter, he does not want to offend anyone before we even arrive ;)!!! Bless. His. Heart. (See it's coming back already!)
*I hate grits and chick'n n dumplin's*
Yep, you read that right. They make me gag. Salted ones, sugar ones, peppered ones... Only one time have I eaten grits that I liked, and Andrew Vincent knows where they are!! :) This could potentially have the official GRITS (girls raised in the south) group picketing my residency.
*Myself and my girls despise bows, and we own nothing with smocking on it*
Collective gasp beneath the Mason Dixon Line!
*I specifically request that people do not send me 'thank you notes' and rebel against their inner etiquette to save a few trees.*
*For 4 years I have worn jeans, t-shirts, and shorts to church. Our children don't memorize catechisms, and they are banned from attending AWANAS.*
People just started praying for our salvation.*"Because we have always done it this way" is neither a motivation or valid reason for me to wear a dress to a football game in 100 degree weather with 100% humidity*
For real, put some shorts and a tank top on and call it the new tradition. More prayers for my salvation.
AND MY FINAL REASON FOR NOT BEING SOUTHERN ENOUGH!!
* I do not own a single tube of lipstick*
I had to borrow some for my Mama's memorial service. Truth.
Recently the girls asked me why I didn't wear lip stick, to which I replied, "Because it has formaldehyde in it and I don't want to eat it!" Which provoked the question, "What is formaldehyde?" My response,"something they inject dead people with." Which lead to Lucy telling her friends, "My mom doesn't wear lip stick because it is ground up dead people in a tube!" AWESOME!
You see, I am too northern for the south and too southern for the north. That's why God sent me to the midwest. I smile too much for the north, and am lacking in all kinds of proper etiquette for the south. Again, that's why I grew up in the midwest.
*sigh*
But with the light of a new day, I am reminded of when Moses told God he was not eloquent enough to go to Pharaoh. And God said, "Now, therefore GO, and I will be with your mouth, and teach you what you shall speak!"
And I am A LOT sure that God has made a way for us to GO, and that He and He alone will bridge the gap of my insecurities of not being 'southern enough'. That He will teach me how to speak and be southern again without sacrificing my authenticity. And most importantly He will be with my un-lipsticked mouth and all of it's midwest glory!!
So here is to my GOING, even if I am the furthest thing from eloquent and southern!
~Sara
P.S. My sweet, southern husband would like to make sure you read today's post with laughter, he does not want to offend anyone before we even arrive ;)!!! Bless. His. Heart. (See it's coming back already!)
As long as you've got the "Bless her heart" down pat, you'll be aiiiight.
ReplyDeletei love this. period. you are cracking me up ... and mississippi is lucky to have you living within its borders. love you!
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