let's talk about SEX, baby!!

i have a feeling that today's title has drawn in some new or infrequent readers to the blog. so i promise i am going to be on my best behavior. :)

today we are going to tackle a topic that is very intimate, personal, and sacred to me. there will be no inappropriate, off color, crude, or demeaning comments made here. so if that's what you are looking for you can close out of this window and move about your business. however, i am going to be forth right refusing to hide behind "religious" do's and don'ts. ( as you already know, i don't do well with those).

 going forward whatever is stated about the issue of sex is in regards to it being done within the protective confines of a covenant marriage. i am not addressing marriages where abuse has taken place, either within the marriage itself or to one of individuals in the marriage. that requires a totally different manual.

with that said, what is it that i want to say in regards to sex??... well, it's simple, DO IT! HAVE IT! OWN IT!

*small clause here*
  most men are jumping up from the computer screens running to their wives and saying, "see, i told we are suppose to be having MORE sex!! sara said so in her blog today!"

wives, don't start leaving me nasty comments... i am on your side!

and some of our dearest, most wonderful, most treasured, non-matrimonied readers, (yes, i made that word up)  are thinking, "what the *&^%, this is actually something people have to be encouraged to do after marriage?"

yes, yes unfortunately it is.

see there is this cat and mouse game that sometimes happens early on in marriages, when the desire and long awaited God given freedom is solidified in vows, and the beauty of the marriage is bed is explored.....frequently.

but life happens. the honeymoon ends, life resumes, and if there is not a full blown, unwavering effort, to elevate and protect the marriage bed, sex diminishes and sometimes altogether disappears. growing up in the church, in a private school, surrounded by people who ultimately desired the absolute best for me,  they sometimes only gave minimal guidance when it came to sex before marriage, "don't have it!" i understood that. i desired deeply to honor my future husband (whomever he may be) by giving all of me to him.... but what i wish more people WOULD have talked to me about was the importance of HAVING it IN marriage. what that looks like from a pure heart. a pure motive.  because we all know every other media outlet and talking head was and is talking about sex ALL THE TIME! if there is no voice speaking out to protect the innocence, purity, and beauty of marital sex than we have lost a major battle.

it was about 4 years into my marriage when it actually became very clear how important a healthy sex life was for the life blood of my marriage. it wasn't merely just to procreate the earth (although, we were getting really good at that ;), or fulfill my "wifely duties". it was far more about the life and death of my marriage.

if y'all already didn't know this, men and women approach sex very differently. they both need it for very different reasons. i am not going to say that it's across the boards the same for every marriage, because well it's not. but there are some strong statistics that reveal that the majority of men and women approach it the same way.

 wives, if you have not read, "For Women Only" by Shaunti Feldhahn, YOU SHOULD!
husbands, if you have not read, "For Men Only' by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn, YOU SHOULD!

i do not have the time to dive deep into the amazing observations that both of these books have to offer. i wish i did. but know this, it forever changed the way i approached my husband, how i responded to his advances, how i elevated the place of sex in our marriage.

the biggest "ah-ha" moment for me was to realize that sex is a man's way of communicating with his wife. he communicates his passion, his desire, his loyalty, his love for his wife in this single act. static after static proves that a man can have a dead end job, a stressful job, and a low paying job, but if he has a wife who is eager, not just willing, BUT EAGER to make love, he can survive WHATEVER life throws his way. statistics also prove that a man can have a dream job, power, respect, and all the money in the world, but if his wife is neither eager nor willing, he will be extremely plagued by self doubt and insecurity. and the more often his advances are turned down or excused away, he will stop pursuing his bride.

if sex is one of the main ways a man communicates with his wife, than words are the main way women communicate with their husbands. obviously, we have that many more things to say. :) imagine with me if your husband stopped talking to you. hour after hour, day after he day, he said nothing. he looked you and shrugged his shoulders as you begged him to speak to you, to say something.... ANYTHING! and he numbly responded, " i am too tired to talk, i have a headache!" how confused, hurt, dejected, insecure, frazzled, insane, would you feel? i get all teary thinking how shut down i would be if mark suddenly stopped talking to me. well, that's exactly how men feel when we women, stupidly, ignorantly, intentionally and selfishly, deny our men an outlet of communication. it's a personal blow to their character, to their manhood, to the very core of who they are when we say, "NO!"

women, i know you feel like the men are kind of getting off the hook here. i am no fool, i understand that it takes two to tango, but my words are not for them they are for you.

would you please, please evaluate the health and very life of your sexual relationship in your marriage? do you honor your beloved through word and deed? have the corrupt, destructive, disgusting views of sex penetrated through the confines of your marriage? is your marriage knocking on death's door because you have lost your spouse?

please understand that this issue means so much to me. i do not take lightly the sanctity of the marriage bed. i am desperate for other women, mom's with small children hanging on their legs, older women who have been married for ages, newly weds, and non-matrimonied women to wake up and realize that our marriages can live or die based on the health of our sexual relationships.

consider having a "talk" with your husband soon!
~s