"Baptizing lost people and teaching them how to vote Republican is not a revival" Moore.
I've been digging through picture timelines, letters, bills, and art work of old. Something about walking through yesterday that helps us better face today. If you needed a headline for my digging it would be "SMH" (shaking my head)...
When my fingers ran over the tiny faces of my once tiny babies, I shook my head in disbelief as the years have been swallowed whole right in front of my eyes. Oh, those babies who sucked every ounce of life out of me for years, but THEY WERE MINE! And those were MY YEARS, and MY MOMENTS, and MY MEMORIES, and MY TRENCHES, and MY STORY! Now those babies are my BIG KIDS and I am hell bent on making these MY NEW YEARS, MY NEW MOMENTS, MY NEW MEMORIES, MY NEW TRENCHES, the NEXT STORY!
Then I sorted bills and shook my head as I remembered how God has been SO faithful to us all these years to meet our EVERY need. The first year Mark went back to full time engineering school, we had a 2 year old and I was 8 months pregnant with Julia. We remained committed to me staying at home with our kids while Mark pursued his career. While we did have a couple of partial scholarships to help with tuition and Mark worked a minimum wage job at a radio antenna station; our W2 for that year slid in at a whopping 12k. Twelve thousand dollars to pay rent, buy food, pay our electricity bill, put gas in the car, pay bills and live. We ate out once a week at Taco Bell for twelve bucks, and during November and December we didn't eat out at all. All of us, minus Mark, were on Medicaid and we rocked WIC like nobody's business. I spent hours sitting in the DHS building filling out paper and jumping through the complicated system. We went without fancy vacations, pedicures, cable, newer cars, new clothes, internet (we had dial up til 2010) retirement funds, and other "luxuries" we now have an option to choose. We weren't victims of anything, those were ALL strategic decisions to accomplish two things; Mark's degree and me staying at home with the girls. And actually, they were some of the absolute most simple and precious years of our lives. Not once did I feel "deprived" of any good thing. Oh, we "struggled" and longed for less penny-pinching days....but we were exactly where we wanted to be, and there is not a price tag for that!
Then I came across old speaking notes for MOPS talks, bible study talks, and personal testimony talks.
*SMH*
Y'all I'm just so sorry!
So many formulas.
So many be-good, do-good behavior modifications for change.
I'm just so sorry.
So black and white.
So dogmatic.
So seemingly together and not nearly broken enough.
So, SO naive.
Bless it.
I read this quote today and realized how far I've come and how much further I have to go,
"We are soaked in an ocean of His (God's) grace, and we don't want to give a cup to anyone."
Jim Daly
I'm not nearly where He wants me, but I am humbled God has determined to change me into a person who is filled with MORE grace. And He primarily used one tool to strip away my self righteousness and pride; pain, suffering, and grief. At times, it felt like an unbearable surgery of the heart. Like at some point I would cave under the weight of brokenness. But what He did with it, what He redeemed out of my pain, how he refined my horror into hallelujahs, is what makes me fall on my face before His throne in adoration.
Oh how we cling tightly to rules, laws, traditions, and methods instead of frolicking in His grace. Afraid others will abuse the freedom in Jesus, and commit and embrace lawlessness. From one who speaks from experience, fear is NEVER a good counselor or motivator. But there is unspeakable freedom that awaits us there if we are willing to hand out a cup.
So come drink here friends, ALL friends! I have a cup for you because I live in the ocean!
Democrats
Republicans
Libertarians
Independents
Southern Belles
Yankees
Atheists
Christians
Jewish
Jewish
Catholics
Lutherans
Methodists
Presbyterians
Baptists
Black
White
Hispanic
Asian
Gay
Straight
Bi
Athletes
Nerds
Doctors
Chiropractors
Breast fed
Bottle fed
Organic fed
Junk food fed
Country
Suburban
Rich
Poor
Employed
Unemployed
Employed
Unemployed
Sick
Wounded
Healed
Widow
Widow
Addicted
Freed
Adulterer
Rapist
Abused
Citizen
Foreigner
Adult
Child
Baby
Young
Old
Unborn
Unprotected
Divorced
Married
Single
Polygamists
Hated
Loved
Ashamed
Broken
Redeemed
Reformed
Diagnosed
and in Remission....
There's a cup for YOU! And there is a cup for a wretched soul like mine. And so I live!
My Jesus.
Oh! He is the sweetest thang that ever was or will be!
He changes hearts, lives, and stories.
Everyday He performs miracles before the eyes of those that are watching, and those that are not.
Everyday He meets every need for the desperate.
Everyday He is faithful to gently weave His way into our stubborn wills.
Everyday He is moving.
Everyday He is sailing His oceans of grace and letting us drink in life until we are satisfied.
You need a non-revival? I recommend grace, I recommend Jesus...
It's your own SMH kind of experience :)!
It's your own SMH kind of experience :)!
~Sara
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