Living In The Storm: I am still singing...

*i know i seem to be posting a lot in this series lately... but so much is happening right now in this area and i want to write about it so i won't forget.*

i have been super emotional today. not a bad, out of control, emotional, but rather a thoughtful, still, and reflective emotional.

obviously, we are living the moving dream as we pack our boxes, and today i did something that i have been meaning to do for years... i went through high school graduation cards, bridal shower cards, and wedding cards. hundreds upon hundreds have been following me around for the last 12 years.

it was such a sweet road of remembrance for me. if i am being honest with you i would tell you that about 90% of the cards got dumped, but the other 10% made the cut, and i can't imagine having a sweeter gift than those cards.

i would go from laughter to bawling in a matter of flipping the cover of the card. so many sweet and personal messages were recorded and overwhelmingly blessed my heart today.

something hurt my heart though, SO many of the names i ran my thumb over are no longer in this place. easily 30 people. it astonished me, that in such a seemingly short time many have gone on. oh, it made me want to cling to every minute i've been given (even though i am pretty sure i threatened each of my children at least once today that i was throwing them in a moving box and leaving them there b/c their attitudes we so rotten) ahem.

oh course, it was inevitable that i would come across a card with my Mama's words printed inside. instant tears stung my eyes, and for a split second i debated if i could even move forward and read what she wrote. i did, and here is what she said,

"Sara-

We aint' got a barrel of money- maybe we're ragged 'n funny...but we'll travel along, singing a song, side by side.

May you have a life time of singing and whatever else you do with this gift!

Love, (drawn in smiley face here with curly short hair and a big smile),
Mom"

that "gift" she is referring to is the piece of lingerie she gave me for my wedding night. i doubled over in laughter.

oh, mama... i am trying to sing. with everything thing that is left in my soul, i am trying to sing so loud that you can hear my broken tune in your darkest moments. it's hard. it's so unbelievably hard to sing with the ache that seems so ever present.

but for you...

i will sing.

~s