It has been such an empty and strange spring without you. The weather has been erratic at best. A seemingly good reflection of our hearts as they continue to bear the weight of missing you so. May Day was followed by inches of snow, you would have had to dig your "Janice-May Day" basket out with a shovel.
I have had so many sweet and precious dreams about you. I love dreaming about you. It floods my brain with fresh images of you being whole. More often than not we are laughing, smiling, walking and talking together in a brief moment of what once was. When I wake up I have to convince myself that you are gone.
I thought over time the hole of missing you would grow smaller, but in all reality I think the hole grows bigger. As the hole widens I delicately fill it with memories, hoping to bridge the chasm of space and time. Something has just felt "off" since November 21st, like my heart is on crutches and I am struggling to find the new, "life without mom" chapter.
Dad is so good. He is doing exactly what you would have him doing. He gets all lit up when he talks about all the opportunities he is exploring with all kinds of missions organizations. He is making your retirement dreams come true! You would be so proud. His flowers look fantastic, again!
Andrew says the Mother's Day commercials are killing him. Darn that Hallmark channel you loved so much. I was hoping to skip that day altogether this year.
We are trying desperately to walk this road together as a family, checking in on each other, watching for signs of "camping" in the wrong places instead of just "going there" briefly. You taught us oh. so. well.
The grandkids are so big and so rotten. ;) We are getting everything we deserve. They talk about you. They miss their Grammy, a lot!
We are trying to keep Jonathan on the straight and narrow, although a box of Lucky Charms mysteriously showed up in the pantry, Dexter was blamed. The Royals are winning and Jonny is giddy as a school boy! And did I mention the Chiefs had the number one draft pick this year. I know, I know, don't get our hopes up.
I miss you the most when I am in the kitchen, scrubbing the baseboards, or bleaching the toilet. You served us faithfully, and without complaint.
Zach has kept Dad entertained with "Swamp People", "The Walking Dead", "River Monsters," and other mindless shows. We all have needed something super dumb to distract us as of late. In other news, Mark, Jonny and I finished "The West Wing" in embarrassingly fast fashion.
Jo and I cook a lot ( I know you aren't surprised). The boys are always cracking "women" jokes when we all get together. We are still working our way through the chicken broth in the pantry. You did love some chicken broth.
We like to all document our mom moments by proclaiming, "Why hi there Val!"
Blue Springs misses you.
Today you would have been 68 years old, but I know that without a shadow of a doubt you would shout with the psalmist, " Better is one day in Your house, better is one day in your courts, better is one day than a thousand else where!"
So you just soak it all up Mama-Mama; dance with David, share an espresso with Esther, an amaretto toast with Timothy, sing with Sarah, pied pipe with Peter, sight see with Samuel, and maybe even jive with Jesus (as Marcus Coker would have you do!)
We miss you, we miss you, we miss you! Everyday we miss you!
Happy Birthday!
I love you.
~Sara
(This picture was taken last year on Mom's birthday)
It is really important to me and Mark that our children love one another, not just a tolerate with disdain sibling love, but a relationship that extends beyond their time here at home. I've said it before and I'll probably say it again, one of the greatest gifts our parents ever gave us was insisting that as siblings we loved one another. Looking back, I realize how much long suffering was required of them to ensure these principles took root in our hearts.
Overseeing the love-ing-ness among our four cherubs is a full time job. While, I understand that I cannot make my children love each other, I have the power to make it very uncomfortable when they show signs of not loving one another.
Something happens when the calendar strikes spring, internally everyone senses that they should be awakening from winter hibernation. Running around outside expelling the winter blues and being renewed by vitamin D. When it snows in April or rains for 4 days straight, everyone gets a little stir crazy and the squabbling can being. Everyone seems to be a little grumpy like the character in "Bear Wants More!"
It can be difficult to eat, sleep, do school, and play together with the same 4 people everyday. You can get irritable. That's kind of been the tune to our April showers around here.
Yesterday, I had a rare, totally calm, cool and collected parenting moment. I did not raise my voice, lock myself in the bathroom, or threaten extermination from the planet Littlejohn. Katie and Julia were fighting over stuff, and I have a zero tolerance rule about fighting over stuff. I would rather they take their Uncle Zach's advice and punch each other in the nose than fight about worthless, meaningless, stuff that is not going to add one second to their life, and it ain't coming with them when they leave this world. DRIVES.ME.CRA-CRA!
Any who, back to yesterday While my 9 year and 7 year old stood staring at me I informed them that in ten short years I hoped that these conversations between the 3 of us regarding their ability to get along were a thing of the past. Otherwise, I would want to stab myself repeatedly in the eye if they were still bickering like toddlers ten years from now. Then I explained to them that is why we were going to take the time and effort NOW to solve these problems, because they get to share with each other for the REST OF THEIR LIVES. (This is one of my all time favorite parenting lines!)
My "punishment" was that they were going to lock themselves in their bedroom, (on a gorgeous 80 degree day) and not emerge until they had come up with a plan on how they were going to solve this problem of perpetual nagging and selfishness. The plan could not include a list of rules and guidelines (that would only satisfy Katie's conflict resolution desires), and the plan could not include the statement, " I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, no matter what, because I feel like it," (that would only satisfy Julia's conflict resolution desires). I gave them permission to sit in silence until they cooled off if they needed to, but also made it clear that they were not to reemerge until the plan was agreed upon by both parties; 100 percent agreement!! And if they came out without a plan.. it would not be pretty.
Off went my very own Judy and Betty.
They were in their room for well over an hour. Confession, I totally forgot about the whole ordeal until they returned with their hand written plan. *Mother of the Year award given here*
I could have not been more surprised, and shed-a-few-tears-with-some-blubbering kind of proud, when they returned with their plan. And really it wasn't a plan, it was FAR, FAR, better!
The plan the girls came up with is straight out of a conflict resolution solution counseling book.
Drum roll please!
They wrote out a list called
"Sameness About Katie and Julia Littlejohn"
We have the same favorite colors.
We both LOVE manicotti.
Hummus makes both of us gag and puke in our mouths.
We are both overjoyed about going to camp this year at CRS!
We both like mysteries.
We agree, Piper Reed rocks!
Our favorite subject is math.
We both like homemade cupcakes and Glace ice cream.
We are BSF (best sisters forever)!
We both like the radio show Odyssey.
We love Cosby.
We love shopping.
I almost cried.
I love that they solved their conflict by remembering what they had in common to begin with. That is way better than a list of rules, or a list of non-rules, or anything I could have mustered up on my best parenting day.
Wouldn't we all be better to stop and remember what we have in common with each other instead of focusing on our differences?
This is where I have issue with evangelical denominations. Instead of spending the last few centuries focusing on all of our differences and writing millions of books to fill a world wide book shop about our differences, shouldn't maybe we have spent some time in a locked room focusing on our sameness, and putting petty differences aside?
What if couples, instead of spending their time in habitual fighting, sat and wrote out their sameness list instead? It's easy to forget what we have in common when our every days emphasize our differences?
What if churches, businesses, families, communities, schools, missions organizations, and ministries focused on their sameness list? Pouring their time and energy into "reemerging from the bedroom" with a little less fight and a lot more similarities.
All along I thought I was teaching Katie and Julia a valuable sibling lesson, but really, once again, I came out of the situation the student, and they the teachers.
Here is to finding some sameness in your bumpy relationships today!
~Sara
I would be remiss to not share with you some of the "thread" our group shared throughout the entire 7 Experiment. I CANNOT imagine walking through this study without them; their hilarity, wit, encouragement, tears, and tender, teachable spirits. These women are among some of the most brave women I have EVER met. They each intentionally made empty spaces in their pantries, stomachs closets, basements, wallets, schedules, garbage cans, computers, televisions, and their whole entire lives, to see their Savior more clearly. It was PAINFUL, but oh so amazingly beautiful. I am not the same person I was just a few months ago; HALLELUJAH! So much of my core has been flipped on it's head, and I am still grappling with such resonating changes in my thinking, motivations, and entire being. Thoughts Before the Fast (Each paragraph is written by different member in our group) As we prepare to enter our first fast I have been praying specifically that legalism will not play a role in our hearts regarding ourselves and obviously regarding others (although, I think most of us are more gracious with others than we are with ourselves). I've been praying that our hearts would seek JESUS! Nothing or no one else. My Husband and I have decided to do the fast together, to seek the Lord individually, but also as a couple. We are praying that this fast not only brings us closer to Jesus but that it changes our perspective for His Kingdom sake-so that we can better understand how truly blessed we are, that we have more than we think we do-more that we can share with others, and that we can live more moderately than we do. We want to be more generous with what we have, and desire to be more aware of the world in which we live and the needs that truly exist in it. I am excited and nervous but also looking forward to the growth I am praying this brings. My prayer is that this fast will change my heart towards all of my overindulgence's so that I will always be aware of how blessed I am and take less for granted. 1.Food I am realizing about how much of my life is centered around food. Not just for survival but for pleasure. Having a bad day? Drive through Starbucks. Bored? Plan a new recipe for dinner. Meeting up with friends? More coffee. Treat for the kids? How about Mr. Goodcents....seriously, I have some issues.... I too am getting a great picture of my bratty, spoiled, selfish, self. I keep praying and praying. Words from a worship song at church yesterday called "The Desert Song" by Hillsong, rang very true as we sang about our hunger and need and God being our provider. anyways, hope everyone is hanging in there, even though it is hard. I am praying for you all. So not only are they passing out salted caramel chocolates at work this morning, I had to divulge my fast to the women who sit around me because they all looked at me cross eyed when I declined (they know I am addicted) and they all said- oh how cool so are you losing weight? Really? I couldn't help but share what it's doing to my heart and diving into how truly bratty I've realized I am when it comes to not being able to have what I want. Telling them it's opening my eyes to just how blessed we all are and revealing to me how much we take for granted. Not a peep out of anyone since....ha! I wonder if they even know what fasting is? Why we do it....what it means....? Hope everyone else is hanging in there- praying for everyone!
Good Morning! 34 hours left ladies, we can do this!!I gagged on my spinach last night, and the grocery store is totally out of eggs until this afternoon. So, now I am really feeling the foreign experience. Can't just go to the store when you need something. So 7 became 6, I hope in these final hours we desperately seek what God has for us...
I couldn't eat breakfast this morning because even the thought of eggs made me gag! And then I felt badly because so many people would never pass up food, no matter what. Sigh. I am feeling burdened to become less wasteful with our food leftovers after this fast, I will say that much. I have realized how tremendously blessed we are to have the SELECTION of food we do, in the QUALITY, and QUANTITY we like. Amazing. All that to say, I can't wait to see you all tomorrow and celebrate and learn together!
On a side note--those of you who fasted from most foods---did you feel kind of strange eating today? I fasted from lunch and when I ate it today, it almost felt strange---like unnecessary. Interesting what just a week does! Will be praying for everyone!!
2.Clothes Brave Noun: "People who are ready to face and endure danger or pain."I just wanted to let you ALL know how thankful I am for EACH of you. Choosing this study is really a true example of bravery to me. Thank you for stepping up and pursuing the heart of our Jesus!
Boy, I'm spoiled! This whole process is definitely opening my eyes to areas of excess I haven't given much attention to. Just like I stock my pantry for apocalypse, I've also stocked my toiletries and cosmetics! Praying for each of us and thankful for you!
Hi All! I have to say I've found this week's fast much easier than food week! Although, I will be honest, I did not realize how much I depended on my clothes, makeup, etc. to make me feel better about myself....it's very sad!
Confession: I just changed back into my pjs so I could wash my 6 clothing items. I feel like this fast is more of reflection on my laundry problems than clothing issues. Haha. This is too much like my normal life.
3.Possessions
We have A LOT of crap!! Excess can be found in every room, every drawer, every closet, of this house.
Pretty sure no one needs 6 sets of queen sized sheets, when there is only one queen sized bed in the house.
Oh, and the t-shirts. Someone kill me. Some where out there some big, wig business man decided that there needed to be a tshirt for every event, every summer camp, every marathon, half marathon, 5k, walk around the block...TSHIRT! Good bye crap!
4.Media
No one posted during media week because we were all fasting from the computer ;)!
5.Stress
I set alarms on my phone and am so glad I did, because otherwise I would be forgetting some of the pauses. I am really enjoying this fast, even the midnight alarm, which I had thought would be really hard. God has been faithful to bring to mind different groups that are suffering to pray for, even in the wee hours
I'm so glad you're heart is encouraged! I'm failing miserably! I cant remember to save my life and can't have my alarm/phone on me here at work! Ack! Haha at least He knows my heart!
6.Waste
There was radio silence during the waste fast; we were busy painting ourselves green and researching compost piles and what the heck we could recycle. Everyone was just letting things settle into their hearts and garbage cans.
7. Spending
It has been FARRRRR more difficult than I imagined. For instance, between Friday and Sunday I had like 5 random things I needed buy at places that weren't on my list. Copies for church because the projector died? Kinkos, not on my original list. ( I had to make an exception in the name of church for this) Tires need to be rotated on the car? Shore Tire, not on the original 7. Ran out of olive oil? Unfortunately, The Tasteful Olive not on my list. A box of summer clothes to mail to my brother? Yep, post office not on my list. A new lamp for the living room because the other one busted into a million pieces? Savers, not on my list. UGH! So, I am seeing how quickly Jen got to that 67 vendors in one month. I am so used to buying what I need, when I need it, from where I need it from. Definitely a wake up call
My week has been good, but it is hard to stick with your minimal list. I thought the same thing, about how quickly she got to 67 places--we're so use to having things at our fingertips! This is such a good wake up call.
Definitely running into the same, hmmm this wasn't on my original list scenarios and much more mindful too of how MUCH $ I'm spending....so often adding over my debit card and then not even heating or registering a total until later!! Grocery shopping tomorrow and I think that max spending challenge I set will be a challenge for sure!
Can't tell you how many times I've had the urge to break this particular fast with justifications like, "well, our GRASS seed NEEDS a new sprinkler, or that swimming suit may not be on CLEARANCE next week,"...sheesh. This is a good one
I have a confession....I went into a store (Aldi) shopped for groceries and happily left, after paying my 19 dollar bill and was driving home and realized that ALDI wasn't on my approved list. YIKES!!! It kind of scares me that I didn't even think about it...I mean seriously:( I really did have the best of intentions, but my brain let me down. Anyways, thought you all should know. Just goes to prove how much I take for granted...Sorry!!!
Love to you all!!!
I definitely failed the spending test. Two weeks in a row. : ) But I did appreciate how much more aware I was this week and do think I cut down on extra expenses.
3 years ago my hubby & I decided to quit using cc's entirely. So, I have to say that spending isn't really an issue for us. We only buy what we can afford to pay for entirely so it has limited us tremendously...in an amazing way tho!
Wrap Up
I need change in my life. I am selfish from the core. I need more of Jesus and waaaaay less of me! I need to care more for others than myself. I feel like all of this fasting will be in vain if I don't actually start making changes to live more generously and more like how Christ calls me to. I love This quote from Jen Which sums up my point -"we don't think our way into a new kind of life; we LIVE our way into a new kind of thinking." Love it. I've found myself doing lots of thinking about how to make change and not nearly as much action on those thoughts. I love this study, I love all of YOU!, and most of all, I love our sweet Jesus, who loves me thru all of my failings.
I was gripped with fear before we started. However, despite that initial freak out, the Lord has used this study to absolutely transform my heart and my thinking and in great ways! It takes work and it takes commitment, but the key to any of our success is resting in that place of grace. Our prayer for ourselves and each other was to not make this something legalistic, but instead a means in which He opened our eyes, hearts, and spaces for His kingdom! Jen helps walk you through that, and each week every one of our fasts looked different than any other members. allow each other that opportunity to pray, wrestle through the decision of what specifics you'll fast from, and then simply encourage each other. I'd honestly do it all over again.... In conclusion, I wept as I listened to this song that seemed to convey everything I could not have penned better.
The problem’s not a gun, not a color, not a hundred dollar bill
We think the struggle can be won with simple thoughts like 'come together be good willed' The gap between the rich and poor is spreading out all the more or so they say We ignore the claims
O my soul, faint not, no, faint not
O my soul, keep up, up In love
It’s not that we don’t know or we’re not shown the proof of poverty It’s not that we don’t have the tools to go to break this yoke of slavery We quit because it’s not an easy fix and then forget that they are even there We forget to care
O my soul, faint not, no, faint not
O my soul, keep up, up In love
Where there is hatred, let me sow love Where there is injury, let me pardon Where there is darkness, let the Light come, come
In the nearly six months since Mama has been gone, it has been so endearing to experience the pure intentions of others and their desire to comfort us with words. Words remembering Mama and words forecasting what she is possibly doing with her time now. We giggle a little (ok, a lot) when people assure us of our mother's presence like a guardian angel hovering over our shoulders. Secretly, we really hope she is filling her time with much more glorious happenings then following us around on a daily basis. In fact, I KNOW she is filling her time with far more important coffee dates with Paul, Peter, Moses, David (she loved David), Judy Wilkerson, Dee Williams, Joshua Paul, Shaylin Marie, and the countless others (including a special child she never met) who have gone before!
But yesterday, I am pretty sure mom asked God for an opportunity to come take a ride with me in my chevy venture. I was all alone, which is totally rare, and she saw my heart needed some much needed "Mama comfort!" I told you earlier this week I really needed to talk to her. This week, she talked to me.
When I got in the van I turned on 88.5 (my mom's all time favorite radio station) and Pastor Chuck Swindoll was speaking (my mom's all time favorite pastor, besides my dad, OF COURSE :) and he was speaking on the family (my mom's all time favorite topic). Chuck was using an Edith Schaffer quote (my mom's role model for the foundation and shaping of our home). It was like the trifecta of my mother's entire being shouting through the radio at me.
The entire 15 minutes I was in the car *alone*, Chuck Swindoll preached on the value of creating memories with our families. Each home viewed as a sacred museum of memories; the sweet memories as well as the very painful memories. Edith Schaeffer then correlated my role with the role of a curator of a museum. It was a breath of fresh air. A clear reminder that while I am in the trenches of motherhood right now; I am creating, upholding, preserving, protecting, standing guard over the very memories my children will carry with them forever. That seemed so much more endearing and valuable than the way I was viewing my role this week as "forever house maid to 4 slobs who can do nothing for themselves" ;)
On our trip to Virginia last month, we toured the National Gallery of Art. If you know me, then you know I have the artistic ability of a 4 year old. I can draw a mean stick figure and that's about all. Going into our tour I thought this would be a good cultural experience for our family. Something I could brag about to my art friends to make me feel more "artsy". I was thinking only people with hip recycled clothes and art history degrees would actually get something out of this place. WRONG! I was moved to tears numerous times (and my children moved to nervous hilarity as we passed the naked statue room) in our short thirty minutes there. I could have spent days inside of that museum. It was awe-inspiring.
We also got scolded by the museum security for getting too close to the precious pieces and showing intent to touch. Imagine that, the Littlejohns and Bentzs getting into trouble?
All this museum talk reminded me how much more treasured my children are to me then those breath taking pieces. How they too, need someone in their life protecting them from people, propaganda, and agendas that have ill intentions to "touch" their vulnerable hearts and minds. They need a curator just like Monet, Kadish, Abrams, Babbit, Rubens, need a curator.
And that's what sweet Mama was telling yesterday in our mini-van trip, "You are museum curator. You are right where you are suppose to be. Your work is valuable. Your time well spent. Pieces of true art and moments of real history are being made in the confines of your home museum."
And more than ever before in my life, I know the importance of memories. Because sometimes I spend my today's curled up in the lingering scent of memories. Because sometimes awful diseases only leave the mind the ability to live in memories. And in those memories are museums of beautiful worth.
So here is to a day well spent in museum building!
Dear Readers, you have put up with A LOT of words from me lately. How about some pictures?
I hope you enjoy.
Mark's new "engineering" glasses. Snort. Snort.
Katie looking too big in "appropriate" shorts for camp.
"Sisters, sisters, there have never been such devoted sisters." Katie came with Julia to urgent care so as to make sure she was taken care of properly by the Doctor. Here they are fake sleeping.
Anderson and Lucy getting ready to go on a run with Grandy over spring break.
Grandma and Grandy helping with Katie with school.
