How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex

She was barely three, her white cotton hair and bright blue eyes caught the attention of every one we encountered. She was our first born, and it felt like her innocence was at stake. Or maybe it was the continued realization that the world we lived in was desperately depraved.

I had just finished reading an article written by a woman who was a prosecutor and children's advocate in the court of law. Her article was about the importance of teaching our children from a very young age, the correct terminology for their body parts.  She was adamantly opposed to using terms like, "wee-wee, tee-tee, down there, private area, etc" and all the other variations we come up with out of embarrassment and shame. Her point was this, if your child was ever abused they needed to be able to articulate clearly, "someone touched my vagina, someone touched my penis,." This woman had seen lawyers pick apart a child's testimony due to vague wording. I had never, even thought about it that way. She concluded, by proving the irrevocable power, not just in a court of law but in all of life, the use of the CORRECT biological terminology.

Now, if you have been around here for long, you know that I think fear is a TERRIBLE boss and counselor! I do not believe we should do things based on fear.. EVER! I have lived that lie and it sucked! Literally, sucked every ounce of life and logic from my bones and brain. However, I am a FIRM believer in the intuition and discernment that has been planted in each of us as parents. Over and over again, that "unsettled" feeling that sometimes is just a whisper in our gut,  has helped guide us in moments of cloudiness.

In addition to reading this article, I had also been reading sweet Dr. James Dobson's book on raising children. He too, also believes in a very natural, consistent, and truthful conversation with our children from a very young age about their bodies. He confirmed that right around the age of three was a great time to start speaking with your kiddos specifically about their body parts. He suggested a great opportunity to have such a weighty conversation is bath time. Bath time is a regular occurrence for children that is familiar and safe.

And so, in what felt like we were stripping our baby of innocence, actually became a very important foundation for YEARS of conversation to come. While I do not remember all the specifics, I remember that I wanted to cry and run away as Mark, in such a gentle and delicate way, began washing our precious baby girl and speaking truth over her.

As he soaped up a rag and began washing her,
"Baby girl, you know that your body is INCREDIBLY special, right?"
Big eyes, gazing up at this man she deeply trusted, "Yes, sir!"
"Your body is so special that NO ONE at any time is allowed to touch your vagina, except Mama and Daddy when we are cleaning you. Does that make sense?"
"Yes" she nodded, not missing a beat really.
I held my breath waiting for her big brain to process.
"Daddy, let's sing the alphabet."

And so concluded our first talk, with our first kiddo, about MONSTER sized things.

From that moment on, we determined that our bodies and all things related to sex, love, life and the lottery were fair game in our home. These conversations have been so folded into our home that shame and embarrassment have zero room to breathe here.

We do not promote crude and unnecessary joking about these precious topics, rather we hold these treasures in such high regard because we want our children to hear OUR voices over the loud and clamoring voices of this world.

A new study by Focus on the Family,  reveals that the average age of a child viewing porn is EIGHT! EIGHT!

We have an 11 year old, 9 year old, 7 1/2 year old and almost 6 year old. You better believe we are talking about porn in our home! It's not IF your children will see porn, it is all about teaching them what to do WHEN they see it.

Mark and I have determined to be the FIRST to talk to our kids about sex and all its accompany parts! We aren't waiting around for them to ask us about it. We are blazing the trail and laying the foundation that says, "Mama and Daddy are safe. We are going to tell you the real truth about real life. We aren't embarrassed and ashamed to talk to you about YOU, because YOU ARE WORTH IT!"

Our basic rule of thumb around here regarding age is, "the sooner the better!"

The BEST example I have heard so far regarding this topic is, " at the beginning, our children and their understanding about sex is like a dry sponge. If we as parents are intentional to fill that sponge to overflowing with the TRUTH about sex, then when other people seek to pour information into our children's sponges about sex, all that information will just roll off the sponge and not an ounce of it will be ABLE to be absorbed."

The single sweetest way to help our children regarding the hot topic of sex, is to equip them fully with truth and knowledge. Not just an awkward, one time conversation, but a LIFE TIME of conversations.

Mark and I realize that even our "best plan" does not mean our children will be fully protected or avoid the pit falls of distortion. However, it is our expression of love to them. It is our weak and inadequate attempt to prepare them and confirm in their hearts that we are safe and we are for them in EVERY WAY!

Oh, I know it's uncomfortable. But like I always tell my kids, "just because it's uncomfortable doesn't mean it's not important and worthy!"

Allow these thoughts to marinate.
If you have kids, MAKE A PLAN! Do not allow silence to rule this conversation.
Be intentional and proactive, IT IS SO WORTH IT!