Quick run down.
July 2008 ~ We were on a ten week internship, living in a HOTEL room with a 4 year old, 2 year old, 1 year old, and baby newly in the womb, in the strange and desolate land of King George, VA. You cannot imagine the stress of living in a hotel, not just hotel living, but with a child who was at the peak of her strong will. Oh, Julia. Click here for memories.
July of 2009 ~ Settling into a brand new village more permanently; King George, Virginia. We had a 5 year old, 3 year old, 2 year old and four month old. If you have ever had to settle into a new town, start completely over, where the TV is your only friend for a solid four months, you know what I am talking about. It is lonely. It can be isolating. It is A LOT of work and it does not come without ugly tears.
July of 2010 ~ Absolutely the scariest month of my existence. Mark was struggling deeply with his health and I was struggling deeply with my emotional health. Fear was having its way in our home and I've never experienced bondage the way I did that month. We were physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually being attacked on EVERY SIDE! The Lord set us free! Read about it here.
July of 2011 ~ To date, some of the hardest goodbyes I've ever said as we left Virginia and turned our sails to Kansas. And the cross country move? A new, fresh hell!! Feel free to read through our adventures.
July 2012 ~ This month revolved around the delicate and devastating process of admitting my mother into a psychiatric ward. Remember that journey? Remember the story here. Oh, and we also decided that we needed to do an in town move. Well because, we were missing our Penske, of course.
July 2013 ~ Under the trance and fog of grief, we moved our family AGAIN for the fifth time in six years (hopefully for the final time ever) to a place where our children would gain from the sacrifice of saying 'goodbye' once again to the familiar and lovely, and putting down some stable roots. It meant preparing my heart to let go of the position of teacher in my children's lives, letting go of my Kansas home and heart, and it meant unintentionally opening up the tunnel of grief again for my family, asking them to let us go. My Kansas goodbye written here.
If my blog could speak, I am sure she would tell you that she is holding her breath for the next 9 days in anticipation of the July 2014 jungle headed our way. I am happy to report we are not living in a hotel room AND we have ZERO plans of moving. Praise the Shepherd. In the darkness of night I pray, "Lord please, let us live here a long time! I do not have it in me to move again!" Thankfully, we all seem to be in good health right now. However, in remembrance of July of 2010, we daily fight the battle of captivity to fear and resistance to bondage. We aren't wrestling perfect drug cocktails and long goodbyes in sterile, white hallways with locked units. And while it will never be easy, I am more comfortable today than I was this time last year, returning my children to the care of their amazing teachers in 16 short days.
Oh July, I am not extremely fond of you. You and your memories make me tired. But yesterday, as the words of Matt Redman flooded my brain I stood in awe;
Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone
That chorus will also need to be tattooed to my body. I might be running out of tattoo space. Good thing I have four children :)
I know so many of my readers are walking on broken roads today. I know so many of my readers are facing horror and hell. If anything will encourage you today, know this, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! We will all bare the scars of this world. We will all struggle until the Lamb comes for us. Just because we follow of Jesus, does not mean we walk the road laden with jewels. Just because we call on Christ, does not mean we will not cringe under the cruelty of brokenness and sin. But being found in our Savior DOES mean we will NEVER WALK ALONE! I look back of the July's of this life and weep with hallelujahs. The weight could have crushed us, the pain could have tainted our hearts with bitterness forever. But we aren't crushed, we aren't tainted, we are HIS and we will always be!!!!
~Sara
No comments:
Post a Comment