He was gentle as he communicated in no uncertain terms that we would in fact NOT be able to get HD in our new home, "The trees are too dense, ma'am. I cannot get a clear line to the satellite. I am so sorry to disappoint you. Would you like to cancel your service with us?" "No, no, it's ok. We aren't all wrapped up in the HD thing we will be completely happy to just have any of the channels you can give us. It's either no HD or no television altogether! And I'm kind of a current events junky so I've got to have my news!" He chuckled. "There is one other thing we might be able to do." "Yeah?! What's that?!" "I know exactly what trees are blocking the direct signal, if your husband wants to he can chop down that tree, that tree, that branch, that tree, and then you'll have a signal NO PROBLEM!! My turn to chuckle, "Yeah, that's not happening!"
I went home to Kansas this week. My dad has no problem getting an HD signal in the glorious, open, plains of Kansas. :) SO.... HD is SWEET! I just stared at the soccer game. It was so real I wanted to kiss Tim Howard's sweaty cheeks all sixteen times he miraculously saved the ball from the goal. I had no idea what I was missing in the HD world. The news anchors are so up close and personal when recounting the news of the day. It was dreamy. I began to hire some tree trimmers in my mind. We happen to know some AWESOME tree trimmers here in the Sip. Surely, they would understand our plight and immediately help a sister out. Maybe I couldn't live without HD afterall.
On my twenty one hour round trip home to Kansas, my mind chewed and chewed on the cud of this last year, the last 4 years really. In 30 short days, my girls will return to school and we will begin the marathon of another school year. I threw up in my mouth when I figured out that number. Where has summer gone? Where have my lazy, slow, thoughtful, intentional days gone? I was going to teach them piano this summer. In hopes they would be Mozart by August. By golly, I was going to hang a chore chart for the summer, we were going to be the Brady Bunch. I envisioned Abeka flash cards being reviewed daily because my kids weren't going to be those kids who lost three months of information over the summer. *Sigh*
This will be our first July since 2010 NOT to move. Praise the Shep. The last 3 July's in our life have been spent sorting, wrapping, packing, list making, truck booking, and tetris mastering. Moving has the ability to chew you up and spit you out like no other life stress. (Special prayers sent to my sister and BIL!! Power up! You've got this) Touching every item in your house July after July sealed my hunch that we have WAY too much crap.
Twenty one hours on the road gave my mind and emotions the space I needed to evaluate this last year under a microscope and begin to prepare for the year that lies ahead. I had a WAY TOO SHORT ninety minute breakfast date, with one of my life-long, heart friends that validated, encouraged, and blossomed me. She gave me a permission slip to say goodbye to the good and with measured intention embrace THE BEST! It's a lot harder for me to unwrap all of the this with words right now, but oh my goodness I'm so excited about the concepts, ideas, dreams, boundaries, and passions that seem to be finally taking root in my heart and in my life.
The next thirty days will be the first thirty days in a very, very, long time that I can turn my FULL attention back to the three roles that I feel like God put in my soul to be; a wife, a mom, and an artist. I was given amazing opportunities this last year to serve in so many different capacities and I do not for ONE second regret taking on those sweet roles, but it's time to clear cut.
After a long season of grief and constant transition, I'm ready to explore a life lived in high definition. I'm ready to bathe in the details again. I'm ready to use my energy in leveling up from good to great. Grief, change, and raising babies into children, has this completely normal way of re-prioritizing the way you do life. Sometimes, for a season, you cannot live in HD. Details, dreams, and deliberate living take a back seat to surviving and sacrificing your every breath for the livelihood of others.The last eleven years, I have been abundantly blessed to lay down my life to write the story of love on our children's hearts. Not easy. Not dreamy. Not sexy. Not full of accolades and praise. But oh my stars, SUCH A WORTHY CAUSE! Those stories are STILL being written, but for the first time in a LONG time some property has come up for sale in my life and people, we are about to build!!!!
The next thirty days, will be a concentrated time of fasting and over indulging. Ha! How silly does that sound? But it's exactly what I plan on doing. I'm cutting down some trees on my property that have blocked the signal of living in high definition, and in doing so I plan on being able to over-indulge in some areas that have been lived out in a lower quality than I desire.
What does this look like for real over the next thirty days?
1. A year ago I upgraded to iphone, I love it for A LOT of reasons. I hate it for a lot of reasons. This device has the ability to block A LOT of rich signals of HD in daily interactions with the people we are ACTUALLY doing life with. For me? My hubby, my kids, my neighbors, my art. So... we are making rules. When we are all together, eating, playing, worshiping, working etc.. phones are on chargers and silenced. FREEDOM. It's like 1990 again. If you can't reach me, leave a voicemail and I'll check the answering machine when I get home, when I am finished fully showing up to what I need to be showing up to :)
2. I'm going to read a book FOR FUN! A juicy, dramatic, no strings attached book...FOR FUN! I want to lay in my bed with a million covers on my body with only my cold nose peeking out because the air is cranked so low, and get lost in a book. Taking suggestions now.
3. I'm going to listen to music everyday. Sometime in the last year I stopped listening to music. Music stirs me, lightens my load, and inspires all the other areas in my world. From John Legend's incredibly romantic
"All of Me" which makes me want to make babies, to Fernando Ortega's "Sing To Jesus" which puts me on my face before the throne. I want it all. I want to absorb it again. I want to dance in it, cry in it, create with it blaring in the background of my life. Taking itunes suggestions now.
4. I want to walk everyday. Again, sometime in the last year, I traded in riding for walking. Don't get me wrong, I love me some four-wheeling, but I want to walk. We have the most fantastic walking town EVER. I want to slow down and walk. I want to hold my husband's sweaty hand and walk the world.
5. I want to read out loud to my kids. I ADORE the fact that my girls can sit in their rooms in the evening and tear up a chapter book. But I've missed reading out loud with them. I've missed reading to them as they toss, turn and spin on the bedroom floor with their wet, shower heads. Hmmmm...hmmmm....hmmmm. DELICIOUS!
6. I want to create in the kitchen again instead of surviving the kitchen. I love cooking. I love the satisfaction of serving a meal I poured myself into. When trauma blocked the signal of my HD living, the meals were served out of survival... AGAIN, totally ok and normal, but I'm trying to be intentional and that's an area that I want to focus on. If you see me pulling through the drive through of Pop Eyes in the next thirty days, don't throw rocks. Real life happens. :)
7. We are going to play before school starts again. Play the piano, play the vocal chords, play in the street after the sun sets, play the Wii, play house, (by helping daddy on his latest house project) play "math class" (throwing in some Abeka flashcards for fun :), play in the pool, PLAY! PLAY! PLAY!
8. I want to continue to pursue my art. I want focus my extra property on building and refining my craft. I want to do what I know, and I KNOW that without a shadow of a doubt I have been created to create with words. I want to say goodbye to the good and fully embrace the great. Hopefully, that means more blog entries over the next thirty days as I try and process my trimming.
I do not want to just spend the next thirty days living in high definition, rather, I want the next thirty days to be the foundation of clear cutting for all that is to come.
I was reminded once again, as my hands ran over my mom's words in her journal, over her jacket that still hangs in daddy's bedroom closet, and as I breathed in her lifetime of memories stored in the basement and in our hearts; our time here is but a miniature moment.
Here is to the long journey of recovering living in high definition!
~Sara
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