However, it was not that many years ago that I walked though my own paralyzing valley of fear. Alternating my schedule and my routine because I was in bondage. I was no longer able to function in a healthy and sane manner. Many days, I felt like I was chained to my fear, it followed me wherever I went, I couldn't shake it, I couldn't overcome it, I couldn't get passed it. Oh, I tried. I tried every possible method I knew to climb that mountain. But it wasn't until I was able to confess with my mouth that my fear was rooted in unbelief, that my fear was a repeating and revealing statement of what my heart truly believed, "I do not trust God! I do not believe who He says He is."
It wasn't that my fear was insignificant, my fear was valid. The circumstance that caused me fear repeatedly happened, and there is still potential for it to happen again. My heart was unable to soothe my anxiety by saying, "this will never happen again" but rather I wrestled with the stark reality that it would happen again.
For so much of my time in the valley, I repeatedly begged the Lord to just remove my fear. I wanted Him to wave His magical wand and make it end. But God, in His sweet mercy refused to be my genie in a bottle, He is far too in love with me to not go after my heart. He was not going to waste my pain nor my fear. He was going to use my fear as a means to unearth my unbelief, walk me through the storm, change me, redeem me, restore me, and SET ME FREE! Had He answered my plea to magically make my pain disappear, I would still be without the tools or the knowledge to break free from the bondage of my fear, and all other bondage in my life. Through my fear, the Lord taught me how to break free.
Consequently, I take very seriously the struggle against fear. No fear is too benign to not address, especially, in the young heart of a child. As adults, we have a tendency to belittle and ignore the fears and concerns of our children. The problem with this is those little hearts are never trained along the way to deal properly with the small battles that plagued them. Therefore, as they mature into adults, simultaneously their fears, concerns, anxieties and struggles also mature into a life of captivity.
When Lucy began to struggle and shut down because of her fear, there was a sense of urgency to use this opportunity in her six year old heart to equip her to fight against bondage. The physical thunderstorms would definitely return, and if her daddy and I did not take seriously the red flags of her pain, the spiritual thunderstorm of captivity would ALSO return.
As gently as we possibly could, (and trust me sometimes we weren't so gentle) we attempted to combat the lie of fear with truth. We used our own personal experiences to walk with Lu, we did not leave her alone to figure it out.
First, we validated her fear. That lightening bolt WAS scary, and without a doubt it was ok for her to feel that way, but it was not ok for her to let that fear make decisions for her. Her fear began to boss her around. THAT was the real problem. Lucy wasn't the problem, the bossy, flossy fear was the problem.
Second, we gave her time. More often than not, if she didn't want to be outside because of the weather we never forced her. Some exceptions came up along the way, where she HAD to stay outside (i.e. a football game, walking into Walmart while gray clouds hungover, and going to school and not running away because she was fearful).
Third, we prayed and fed her truth, and the truth of God's promises as much as we could. We never promised her that she wouldn't be in another storm. We never promised her that a lightening bolt wouldn't strike next to her again, but we DID give her the tools, the words, the prayers, the foundation to deal with it IF it happened again. This is hard as parents, because it's easier to say things like, "oh, we'll never be in a tornado, Mama and Daddy will never die young, you won't ever be hurt, etc.." But in my experience, this is extremely harmful to the heart of a child. And it is not the truth. None of us know for sure what will and will not happen, so it's unfair to teach our children to function in a fantasy world.
Just this week, after eight long months, Lucy told Mark and I, "Mom, Dad, I think I have conquered my fear! I wasn't scared at all today when there were clouds outside, I just told my brain that God was in control and He was going to be with me, even if there was a storm!"
Y'all, I am just weeping on her behalf. As a former captive to such poisoning fear, I rejoice that my little Lu, through Christ alone, was able to use the tools from my own valley to climb out of hers.
Please hear your kids.
Please do not ignore their pain and fear.
Please get down and dirty with them in their valley, and equip them to face their bossy, flossy fears, or any other chains that bind them.
By far, it is my life's greatest work to equip these four immeasurably precious hearts to face down their giants and share in the victory of sweet, sweet, freedom!
Praying for the hearts of all my readers who lay in bondage today.
~Sara
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