Sorcery or Sovereignty

There is always a moment when I can sense it coming on. It is like the spot light is switched on and VOILA; clarity. Most of the time I can see it in their eyes. For most of them, they say what they feel and they cannot hide it from us. The mask of the "everything is fine camp" has not been put on, and their meltdowns speak loud and clear, especially, when we are in tune with them. Our children, in their core, desperately want someone to be in charge. Our children, in their core, desperately want to know someone else is orchestrating all the fine details together. The majority of the time, Mark and I are consistently inconsistent parents, but these meltdowns even reset our "consistent parenting" button and we regroup.

*Ready, break*

I've been ruminating, researching, regurgitating, the sovereignty of God for some time now. Most recently, I've been walking through the sovereignty of God in regards to my sin and my sorrow. Not.Easy. Way easier to study a God who, as I have always believed, was just sovereign over all the "good" things. But the not so good things? OUCH!

Extravagant Grace. READ IT!
I've only plugged this book like 5 others times, but if you are still resistant to read it, STOP IT! I have already screwed up explaining this book and what it's really about SEVERAL times. I'm pretty sure my sweet in-laws think I've derailed in my faith, based on the poor explanation I gave them.

Our paraphrased conversation.
ME: "We are never going to get better. We are just screwed up sinners, sinning to sin. The Holy Spirit is a failure and we are doomed to keep sinning!"

Mark, out of the corner of my eye, shaking his head in desperation.
*false advertising at its' finest, Matt!*

My ever so gentle and patient father in law,
"Sara, I am afraid I am just not following you!"

Regardless of the horrible job I have done explaining this RICH, RICH, RICH, book PLEASE READ IT!

A penny for your thoughts?

We are prone to cherry pick all the characteristics about our God that suits us best and cling to them.

Loving; everybody wants a loving God.
Forgiving, we are all royally screwed up and need forgiveness.
Faithful; everything we are not.
True; polar opposite of our deceitful hearts.
Adoring; what we all long for.

Just to name a few.

But the rubber has met the road in my own walk as I work through His sovereignty over my sin and sorrow.

I do not want to get on a plane where the pilot is just a little bit in control of the plane. Or is only in control of the parts of the aircraft I have relinquished to his command.
I do not want to drive behind a steering wheel that only controls part of the car, under the banner of satisfying my control issues, puffing up my spiritual accomplishments, and claiming "free will".
I do not want to serve a God who is just a little bit sovereign.
I do not want to serve a God who is looking through a magic eight ball of uncertainty, and holds His breath as we humans screw up His plans for us, which causes Him to have go plan B, C, and D of our lives, and "make lemonade out of our lemons!"
Really! Who wants to serve such an out of touch weakling?
God is either 100% sovereign, or not sovereign at all.

Are you kicking and screaming yet?
Are you drafting your comments for the comment box?
Are you googling verses to prove me wrong?

Before you do any of the above, please let these thoughts marinate in the private chambers of your soul.

If He is in fact sovereign, then He makes a deliberate choice to allow sin and sorrow into my life. He does not tempt me to sin, but allows it, just like He did in Job's case. It is in His very DNA to only move me forward toward His likeness, therefore using sin and sorrow as He sees fit to refine and reform me. He refuses to let me continue in the status quo and believe the lie that I am spiritually adequate. Because of His LOVE, He gently and graciously wants me to know apart from Him I can do NOTHING! NOTHING! Even conqueror sin and walk through sorrow. And so sometimes sin and sorrow remain. Remember, His ways are not our ways, nor His thoughts our thoughts.  He is a jealous God who will not share His glory with my human attempts to master the impossible, or heal my own brokenness. And so sometimes I struggle, in order that more and more of me is put to death, so that Christ might live. THAT is the Christian life, less of ME....MORE of HIM.

Remember all those cherry picked characteristics we cling to? We have to continue to cling to them as we merge these two concepts. Oh I can testify, that in His sovereignty to let us struggle against sin and walk through sorrow, it only amplifies His love, forgiveness, faithfulness, truth, and adoration. Far more then you will ever experience on the road of, "God is just sovereign over the good stuff."

I can see it people's eyes. I can see it in my reflection. It is like a spot light has been switched on in my life and VOILA, I can see clearly. The mask of the "everything is fine camp" has been pulled from my cold, dead, hands and thrown to the ground. I am, at my core, desperate for someone to be in control. I am, at my core, longing for someone to be orchestrating on my behalf, with MY growth and goodness in mind, all the details. I serve a God who is consistently consistent, He can be nothing else. He is sovereign over ALL the things taking place; joy, sorrow, sanctification, sin struggle, laughter, tears, health, sickness, wealth, want, prosperity, and yes, life and even death!

I mean, that makes me want to fall on my face and worship!

Humbled, oh so humbled, that He would pursue me so faithfully, so purely, that He would use sin struggle and sorrow to bring me to Himself.

Who does that?

THAT is the God I serve and adore!
~Sara