One of my favorite mom questions, and one of my most meaningful moments with her, occurred early one morning (no surprise it was 'early one morning'). It was January of 2001. I was nineteen and sound a sleep at 5am on a Saturday morning like any sane teenager would be. She tiptoed into my room, slipped under the covers with me, brushed my the hair away from my eyes and whispered through a glowing grin and tears falling down her cheeks, "Why do you think Mark is taking your Dad to breakfast all alone, early on this Saturday morning?" We both knew why. We both cried with tears of joy.
A good question reveals that you care. A thoughtful question reveals just that, thoughtfulness. A well placed question communicates intentionality.
When our babies go on from the sweet communion of our home, I want them to look back over their growing up years and recall, somehow through the fog of our mistakes, that we were intentional parents.
I blink back tears as I think about sending our oldest to junior high in 18 short months. Like, WOW! How did we get here? I blink back tears as I think about my littlest man turning five next month. My littlest... turning FIVE?!! Every recognizable sign of pregnancy (besides my war wounds of stretch marks that I hold with great pride and honor) infancy, toodlerhood and the preschool years, coming to a close. Their rooms and lives reflect the crossing over:
less pink more red
less dolls more earrings
training pants to training bras
Books "1,2,3," exchanged for Magic Tree
Pacifiers for metal wires
Sesame for Duck Dynasty
And the catch? No one asked me. No one asked me if they could grow up! No one asked me if I was ready. Apparently, I'm a little resistant :)
Recently, I've tried to be tuned in to intentional questions. And I have been SO blessed by the insight I have gained simply by the asking an intentional question.
Example:
Me: Julia, tell me the high point of your day and the low point of your day!
Julia: Hmmm. The new seating arrangement at school is awesome, and my tummy hurt after PE.
Me: Katie, what are you afraid of most today?
Katie: Not understanding the difference between a object pronoun and a subject pronoun.
I literally jumped on her and made her laugh so hard she peed her pants after she gave me this answer.
Me: Anderson, who makes you feel special?
Anderson: Angelie!
Me: Lucy, what were your highs and lows today?
Lucy: High? (she spells) M-Y-T-E-A-C-H-E-R-S
Low? (she spells) C-O-L-D
And this morning, out of the blue, I got this text from my husband
"What's the most romantic thing I've ever done for you?"
Really, probably, sending me that text :)
That text communicated to me that he wanted to deepen our marriage by asking ME, and only ME, an intentional question. I swooned.
Here are a few other intentional questions I've been using.
Where is your heart this week?
If the people you are doing life this week could use one word to describe you, what would it be?
Use one word to describe the people you are doing life with this week?
What do you want?
What does that stir up inside of you?
How did you experience that interaction?
How did you blow it in the little moments this week?
How did you own it in the little moments this week?
We are a people constantly trying to make meaning out of our circumstances, our relationships, our every day encounters. We desire at our core 'to mean'. Sometimes we quickly forget that the people we are doing life with are searching for the same thing; my husband, my kids, my parents, my siblings, my friends are all searching for moments of meaning. And a meaty question is just the gateway to begin to explore meaningful moments.
We only get to do this life journey, one time.
We only get to do this day, one time.
We only get to love this man or this woman, one time.
We only get to raise these kids, one time.
We only get to love our Mamas, one time.
We only get to exchange these words, one time.
We only get to enjoy these friendships, one time.
Once upon one time, we get to make meaningful moments!
Once upon one time.
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