Honestly, this past week I have been totally overwhelmed in almost every area of my life. This probably has a lot to do with the fact that this was vomit week in the Littlejohn house. And if you have ever navigated a vomit week, you know that alone can be overwhelming. But for me it was so much more than just the vomit. Maybe the total bombardment of the abortion links on facebook, ending human slavery and sex trafficking, thoughts of inadequacy when all the happy runners post pics running their 5k's, or all the do-better-be-better-make-more-money-by-selling- this-product-links. Maybe it's because I am reading a book called, "Sleeping Naked is Green" (an eco-cynic unplugged her fridge, sold her car, and found love in 366 days) and feeling like I am the least green person walking on planet earth. My brain spinning with things like; Organic! Local! Farm raised! Less plastic! Recycle more! Waste less! Turn the lights off! Take quicker showers! Flush the toilet less! Decrease your carbon footprint, etc. All of these areas are worthy areas requiring education and change. But sometimes when it all comes crushing down on your heart it feels too heavy. It feels like, "I am a lone reed, standing tall, waving boldly in the corrupt sands of commerce," (that's for all of my You've Got Mail, fans) Actually, feeling more like a trampled reed.
Last night, we watched Lincoln and I was so impressed with the absolute determination in the character of Lincoln. I went to bed thinking, "How can I be more effective? How can I make a difference in an overwhelming fight like abortion? How can I be a better steward of my Father's world? How can I even begin to leave a legacy for this world when the past ten years I have lived in the trenches of child rearing? In the fog of vomit week?
Last night was one of those nights I so, so, desperately wanted to call my mom. Pleading that she remind me what it is that I am doing. "Mom, tell me again that being in the trenches with these kids is making a difference! Tell me that cleaning up vomit, wiping bottoms, living in the kitchen with a broom in one hand and a hot pad in another is important. Please tell I am right where I am suppose to be. Tell me that my calling is worthy, and not cheapened by public opinion. Tell me, that I am something even though my resume is empty and without the bling of degrees, referrals, and stories of successes. Tell me what I am doing matters, please mom, please!"
When the melt down of such magnitude begins to happen in my heart, I know what the solution is, it is the same solution it was 31 years ago when my dad began whispering it in my ear, "it's time for bed, you're exhausted!"
I went to bed, whispering this prayer in my heart, "Help me Lord, what should I do with all this heaviness? How can I be effective? How is posting a link on facebook going to stop even ONE abortion? How is a red X on my hand helping the eight year being raped right now in India? " Am I a bad person because I hate running? How can YOU be high and lifted up with my "green" efforts! I am a mother lacking in patience and love, how does that make me qualified and called to raise four children? Help me, God! Help me!"
And the Spirit just began recalling beautiful truths to my mind. When I look back at the political climate my Savior was born into, I gather much perspective. Jesus was born in the middle of a massacre of boys under the age of two. Something that could probably rival even Dr. Gosnell. Abuse of children, women, and anyone deemed irrelevant was rampant. Political drama was everywhere. Slavery in every town. Injustices in every culture of people.
How did Jesus respond to all the heaviness of His time? How did Jesus change the tide of public opinion regarding life? Did he post articles on the wailing wall or something? How did he feel about those who abused children? Was Jesus green? Did he recycle his sandals, tunic, loincloth and belt? How did he respond to the injustices of His time? Did Jesus run 5k's for charity?
In Psalm 139, some of the most poetic lines are penned regarding the creation and formation of the mysterious happenings in the womb of a woman. No woman who has ever given birth can claim that they were intimately in control of the creation and formation of their child. When the nurse puts that baby in your arms for the first time all you can think is, "How did this happen? How did this grow inside of me and just come out of me?" But the Psalm says that His eyes saw our unformed substance, and that He skillfully wrought us into being. That is how the Creator of the world feels about His created life in the womb. He knits them together, piece by piece, moment by moment, intelligently, carefully, with purpose and intent. He knows each baby whose life has been stopped because of natural causes, and each baby whose life has been stopped by the most egregious causes. He knows.
In the teaching of Luke 17 and Matthew 18, anyone who causes calamity, entrapment or disaster for a child, would be better off having a millstone thrown around their neck and drown in the sea than receive the punishment that will become him. Want to know how Jesus will respond to those responsible for raping children, abusing children, neglecting children, child trafficking, etc..etc...etc..? Look no further.
In regards to if God is green or not, I believe the very first verse in the Bible can quickly help us answer that question, "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth." And verse 31 of chapter one, "And when He beheld all that He had made and it was VERY good." God is passionate about His creation, from infants in the womb to the jars of rain He stores in the skies.
The scriptures does not speak about Jesus running any 5k's. Phew... off the hook ;)!
What does all this mean for me? How does one 31 year old woman, who is preoccupied with her face in the porcelain bowl, effectively do any.thing?
And once again, the truths of what my Jesus did flood my heart with hope.
In Luke 7, He let the most unclean hands of a prostitute wash over His feet with tears and perfume, and she was declared forgiven and her soul cleansed and saved.
In Luke 15, He received sinners and ate with them.
In Mark 10, he rebukes the "twelve dudes who did" and told them to let the children come to Him! He desired the very company of the unruly, smelly, rambunctious, simple minded, children. "For theirs is the kingdom" He announced.
In John 2, He turns water into wine! Hallelujah!
In John 4, He speaks with a woman who is an outcast and validates her heart.
In John 11, Jesus wept. ( I don't know about y'all, but I am getting good at this one!)
Throughout the entire ministry of Jesus He lifted up the unworthy, the unclean, the down trodden, the leper, the possessed, and the outcast. He pursued the lame, blind, hungry, hopeless, sick, needy, poor, broken, and dirty. He sought out those whose hearts were teachable, pliable, changeable, and ready for His glorious work. He taught Peter to keep His eyes on Him. He called Matthew, the deplorable tax gatherer, to be in His inner circle. He saw Thomas' doubt and befriended him regardless. He saw Judas' betrayal, but loved Him. He saw potential when others saw pauper. He saw priceless when other's saw prostitute. He saw worthy when other's saw wimp. He saw value when other's saw vulture. He saw redeemed when other's saw reckless.
All the answers were there for me. While, I might not abolish abortion, slavery, and reduce my carbon foot print TODAY. There is SO much I can do! I can smile at the cold grocery-checker-outer, love the outcasts of our culture (instead of rage against them on facebook), have my widowed neighbor over for dinner and a glass of Merlot, hug the stranger at church, make cookies for the post man, recycle my magazines in the name of Jesus, pour life and time into the poor and needy. And yes, even for this very short, short season, I can clean up more vomit for the future inheritors of the kingdom ;) Because in the eyes of Jesus, my actions, whether monumental or minimal are effective. Because they are born out of a spirit desperately trying to be captivated by Him! And therein lies my motivation for one more day.
~Sara
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