I am NOT a Proverbs 31 Woman

I have heard more sermons and read more articles about being a Proverbs 31 woman than is healthy.  I have seen it used as an outline with bullet points highlighting weaknesses; a call for women across the globe to pull  up her boots straps and do it better (or more realistically melt into a sea of depression, guilt, and a permanent state of discontentment). I have seen husbands hand this passage over to their wives and say, "Go and do likewise!" I have this verse for those husbands, "abide ye here with the donkey." Genesis 22:5

I am NOT a Proverbs 31 woman. Well, I am not the redefined American, Proverbs 31 woman. 

So many gorgeous and REALLY important things get lost in translation when one does not understand the Jewish culture.. First, the title of this section. In our English translated bibles the titles are as follow: "The Capable Wife", "The Woman Who Fears the Lord", "The Wife of Noble Character", and my personal favorite, "Description of a Worthy Woman".  For the love, I cannot even thread a needle. I miss the mark of a "worthy woman" by a long shot; "she makes coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple." For real, if my family depended on me for clothing we would look more like a family of Adam's and Eve's, roaming the earth with fig leaf coverings, rather than fine purple linens. And let me tell you, not one person would spare a penny for garment I made, "She makes linen garments and sells them!" Mark and I would have to trade roles if being a, "capable wife" meant I had to sew, because Mark is a master seamster, (you see, I am not even sure what a male seamstress is called, so I made it up!) The American, pop-christian, culture has royally (with purple linens) spoiled the beautiful meaning behind this passage.

The title for this chapter when translated means, eshet chayil (ay-SHET HI-ul)  "The Woman of Valor". Awe, savory balm to the deflated confidence, isn't it?

In the Jewish culture, women did not memorize this chapter and then use it against each other at women in the church meetings, to exploit a failed to do list. Rather, the men memorized it word for word and sung it over their wives on the Sabbath as a means of blessing. 

Did you catch that? Men memorized it and SUNG IT over their wives as a BLESSING. Not a curse, not in a commander and chief, controlling, manipulative way to motivate his wife to be good, good, good-er; but to bless her!! Bless her!! Scripture gives us another opportunity to see a groom singing over His bride, "He, (as in the creator of the world) will rejoice over you with singing!" Zeph 3:17. That is something we can all, with much enthusiasm, get behind and say, "go and do likewise!"

My sister and I have had this on-going, eye rolling, hair standing up on the back of your neck, moment; when this passage is used to burden and lay bondage on women. Honestly, I never liked this passage. I loathed it. Not because I was afraid of it's calling, but rather the abuse of it's meaning.

Recently, that has all changed after reading this article and living through an incredible experience I'll never forget. On November 26th, 2012, I watched the words form from the mouth of a broken-hearted husband, as he sung the blessings of Proverbs 31 over the memory of his wife; each line not a chapter from her real life, but each line holding such blessing and reflection of the heart this woman possessed, and her husband's adoration and deep love.  In my book, this woman embodied for me the truest definition of, "Woman of Valor!" After all, her name, Valerie, means one with valor!

From that moment on, I have embraced the beautiful passage of Proverbs 31, the way it was meant to be embraced. Needle or no needle, purple linens or fig leaves, wake up call at 5am or 8am, head covering or no head covering, Hamburger Helper or a feast for a king, vegetable garden or produce aisle at Wal-mart; it's time to return to the heart of this passage; full of grace, blessing, and VALOR! And put to death the law, the to-do lists, and the falsified standard it has become.

May we be a blessing to one another, each other's biggest fans during this journey. Instead of each other's biggest enemies and critiques.

As I learned from Jen Hatmaker, (who I desperately would like to befriend) let's sing over one another at every triumph big or small;

a new baby, eshet chayil!
returned health, eshet chayil!
a job promotion, eshet chayil!
college graduation,eshet chayil!
vomit week navigated, eshet chayil!
working moms, eshet chayil!
stay at home moms, eshet chayil!
surviving the first year of parenthood, eshet chayil!
fighting for a struggling marriage, eshet chayil!
raising toddlers, eshet chayil!
helping the poor and the abandoned, eshet chayil!
attending to the sick and needy, eshet chayil!
a trip to the store without a child melting down, eshet chayil!
the wonderful projects of women, who unlike myself, sew, eshet chayil!
a home cooked meal, eshet chayil!
an inspiring piece of art created by a daughter, eshet chayil!
accomplishing a new goal or an old goal, (like not killing our husbands at the city gates) eshet chayil!

Let's with one voice shout blessings all over one another ; "eshet chayil" women of valor!!

~Sara