I shook my head as my little women exited. I love how incredibly diverse, unique and JUST SO THEM, they have grown to be. I decided a million years ago, that clothing was not going to be battle I fought with my girls (or my son). Obviously, if it was inappropriate or outrageous, we'd have to go to the mattresses, but other than that, 'Shake It Off' mom, 'Shake It Off"......
I have struggled my whole life with reading, spelling and math. I had to receive significant help from a tutor just to pass the second grade. School was never just 'natural' for me. Every grade, every course I had to work my bootie off. Therefore, my heart is INCREDIBLY tender to anyone who struggles with these areas. I want my children to champion these subjects because pain was stirred into the paint can of that canvas for me. I want confidence and victory to be their paint brush.
Spelling and reading out loud, has not come as naturally for my Julia, as it has for my other two girls. Every week, we spend hours, HOURS, working on spelling words. I know that my motivation to help Julia conquer every spelling list, oozes out of my own insecurity.
So often, the nudge we give to the rudder of our children's lives, comes from the very deep waters of our own weaknesses, strengths, failures, hurts, victories, challenges and experiences.
You were an athlete and benefited from kind coaches, the physical challenge and the comradery of being on a team. Therefore, there is a high emphasis on sports in your home.
Athletes were cruel and unkind to you. You were cut from the basketball team in the 7th grade, and have loathed all things sports since that day. Therefore, you do whatever it takes to steer your children in the opposite direction of sports.
You quit piano at age 11, and have regretted it everyday since then. Therefore, all of our children are enrolled in piano lessons somewhere..... And BY GOLLY, they aren't quitting :)
The stress of performing a piano piece in front someone, almost sent you to an early grave. Therefore, you are completely ok if your children NEVER play the piano.
You were a complete book worm, and spent your childhood traveling from adventure to adventure between the covers of a book. Therefore, books are valued and encouraged in your home.
You struggled with reading and were laughed at when you read out-loud. You never received a stupid Book-It prize from Pizza Hut, and never once attended an AR party. You could care less if your kids love books.
OR.... You are hell bent on every single one of them living on Pizza Hut pizza for the rest of their lives, and you read like ninny to them every day.
You see, our children can become the sum of our own, personal equations, unless we are VERY, VERY careful.
I've not been a Mama for long, but I feel like 12 years and 4 children later, I have a better understanding, a clearer viewpoint. It is SO incredibly important to know in your gut your personal equation. Walking THROUGH and not AROUND your own childhood, will enable you to sift through why certain things light you up more than others.
In my insecurity about spelling, there are times I have pushed and pushed Julia, and sometimes I've gone too far. If I didn't know WHY I did that, it would be VERY difficult for me to back off and see the harm I could be causing. Even more important, I might create a whole different can of pain for Julia, by being blinded to my motivation for her success. Julia is NOT ME! Julia is apart of a whole new equation that does not have to be tainted and stained by my own.
On the flip side, there are BEAUTIFUL and DELICIOUS lessons we can pass on to our kiddos because of our own equations. Finding this balance is the journey of parenthood.
One such delightful moment happened for me last week. I am kind of in love with words, and have made no bones about passing down my love to my children. They have heard me say countless times, "UGH! Find a different word, that one is so tired!" Now, altogether, we roll our eyes when any Duggar uses the word 'surreal', because they've said it like 345,755 times.... (More money to the counseling fund!)
Any way, Lucy wrote us a song. I love when my kids write anything.... But a song. I used to write songs when I was little. There are many of you who had to suffer through my songs, I'm just so.sorry. But suffer we did not, when Lucy sang this piece for us. I did not take a video, but I have one in my head. And maybe someday she'll sing it for me again. In the meantime, here are the precious, precious words my SEVEN year old penned.
What Happened To This World?
By Lucy Littlejohn
What happened to this world, or did I become evil?
What happened to this world, but did you know that I'm ashamed?
Did you know that I'm loved.
Did you know that I'm saved.
I trust you Lord, I trust you Lord, I trust you Lord.
What happened to this world, or did I die?
You gave me yours, I gave you mine.
You're my God, You're my God, You're my God.
I trust you!
I trust you!
I trust you!
YEAH!
You're my God!
I don't know your sweet equation. I don't know you child's sweet equation. But I know everyday, we have an opportunity to evaluate our equations, learn from them, decipher where errors were made, and write and rewrite until a more tender and gracious balance is reached.
Happy Writing!
~Sara
No comments:
Post a Comment