I know so many of my readers have been and are currently wounded by sibling relationships. I know that many of you have suffered great pain at the hands of your siblings. I know many of you can not stand the sight of your siblings, and it is work every single day to muster up any type of "warm" feelings for them. I hear you. I am so sorry for your pain and I am not in ANYWAY writing today to punish, diminish, or correct your burden. Today, I am writing from MY experiences, knowing FULL well your experiences are different than mine. I am very aware that your "happily ever after" might not ever see fruition when it comes to your siblings. I write from a humble place, knowing that I am on the receiving end of a beautiful gift.
I am the youngest of five children; 3 boys and two girls. There are seven years between my brother and sister, who are twins and who are the oldest, and myself. So as to not disclose the sensitive information of our ages, I will tell you how old everyone was when I born. Jonathan and Joanna:7. Andrew 5, Zach 3, Sara...completing the Clint and Valerie Hall line with perfection : ) Once, when I was at the prime age of awkward adolescence, my dad announced from the PULPIT one Sunday that he and mom were like rabbits when it came to reproducing. Perks of being the daughter of a man with a microphone :) But really they reproduced nicely.... I inherited that gene with a gaggle to prove it.
So as to diffuse right away any misunderstanding that my siblings and I held hands peacefully all the way through life, I tell you now; we fought. Oh yeah. Ugliness. Screaming , yelling, hitting, punching, name calling, door slamming, hair pulling, oil pouring, UGLINESS. There were five of us, we fought about stupid and about real. We said really unkind things that we can never take back. We did really hateful things to one another that we can never take back. We fought.
Growing up, one of my favorite things to do was ease drop on my mom when she was talking to her siblings on the phone. They talked very regularly, often early in the morning (because Mom would call and wake them up :) Without fail, my mom's siblings caused her to laugh the hardest and smile the biggest. In addition to talking to them on the phone, Mama saw her siblings very often. To this day, her family loves ANY excuse for a get-together. Every holiday, every non-holiday, and every "it's Sunday let's see each other!" I adore that about my mom's family! My mom's side of the family has grown to nearly 40 people when just the immediate family gets together. That makes my heart so full.
I tell you this about my mom's family because I am convinced that one of the reasons I adore my siblings is because my mom AND dad both adored/adore their siblings. Watching them together, studying them together from a very young age confirmed over and over again that siblings are worth the war.
One of the most powerful moments in my entire life was watching my mom's siblings say goodbye to her. I weep now just thinking about. Their final touches, their final words, their final moments with her are engraved on my heart FOREVER. I wish everyone who is estranged from their siblings could have witnessed that exchange. Because their touches, their words, their lingering presence communicated, "siblings are worth the war!"
Yes, my siblings and I fought, still fight when someone's being a complete butt, but that's not where the story ends. My mom and dad had very little tolerance for our ugliness towards one another. If you want to see Clint Hall get fired up, be ugly to your siblings. My dad would not allow for hatefulness to reign in our home. He and my mom often went to war on behalf of our relationships with one another because deep down they both knew the prize. Mom pasted bible verses all over the house about love, peace, honor, respect, and selflessness. They broke up endless arguments and fights, they tore down bitterness, and insisted we love one another. "You don't have to like one another, but you will LOVE one another!" I cannot tell you how many times my dad said this. We didn't always like one another, but each of us had this profound love and admiration for our dad, so when he said, "ENOUGH!" it stopped. And as I type, I swear to you, when my dad puts to rest an issue, makes a decree on behalf of our family, insists we let grievances go.... WE DO IT! That is the sweet persuasiveness of Daddy. Dads, you matter. How you allow your children to speak to one another and treat one another matters. I know so many times my mom and dad felt they were losing an uphill battle, but they kept on.. day after day, night after night, fight after fight!
There is an incredible thread on my phone that includes my entire family; dad, hubby, siblings and outlaws... It brings me the biggest laughter and the biggest smiles day after day. In 72 hours, Lord willing, I'm going to be with all my siblings for the first time in 15 months. Tears spill over when I think about it.
When we were asked to walk the road of Alzheimer's, there was ZERO room for selfishness among us. Each of us, over and over again, had to consider each other higher than ourselves. We had to pursue love, peace, honor, respect and selflessness. We made mistakes along the way, but the overall message stood, WE ARE FOR EACH OTHER! Hatefulness WILL NOT reign in our relationships.
I have an 11 year old, 9 year old, 7 year old, and 5 year old. They fight. Every day we break up mini wars. Every day someone gets corrected for a bad attitude or hateful words. Every day I feel like I am pushing a major boulder up a hill only to start over the next day. IT SUCKS. You want to see Mark and Sara Littlejohn fired up? Be ugly to your siblings. We reserve the harshest discipline for hatefulness towards someone in our home. We tell our kids all the time, "this is a forever relationship you guys are going to have with one another, you HAVE to figure it out. You are called to share with your siblings FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE! We will be dead and gone, and the only thing we can leave behind for you is your siblings! Make it work!"
I realize the end of their story is yet to be told. But I pray and beg the Lord, when they have to face each other on their death beds, love will reign! That they will stand upon a life time of being FOR one another. Being each other's biggest advocates and fans. I blubber all over myself when I think about having to say goodbye to one of my siblings. But I know that when that day comes, I will have NO REGRETS. I will have loved them to the fullest and deepest places my heart can go. And what a gift my parents were hell bent on giving us! Thanks Mom and Dad for not giving up, for pushing the boulder up the hill and fighting one of the most important wars on this earth!! Your war was not in vain....
To siblings, the BEST siblings!
~Sara
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