Above all things my heart is deceitful, and at the end of the day my core is constantly selfish. Here, in the safe place of my writing, I am always VERY aware of how something comes off to my readers. Finding the perfect balance between putting off this air that we think we are the idyllic Jone's, and the contrary, sounding like Eeyore and whining too much, can be extremely challenging. *SIGH*
Mark is always teasing me that I am too nice to him on the blog. He always says, "Say something mean about me!" Which always makes me laugh. Here's the deal, while our marriage is full of mistakes and mundane muck; I refuse to air that junk here on the blog. Not happening. As far as you are concerned, I want you to walk away from this blog knowing how much I love my husband. And for those of you who know my husband, and know our marriage, you know how real we keep it... and how depraved my husband is :) See babe, I did it, I was sassy about your sin :)!!!!!
Ok, so where the heck are we going?
Here's the deal. I make a lot of mistakes. Line them up. Starting with when my feet hit the ground at 5:40 a.m. That in itself is a mistake. No one should get up that early :) One of my prayers is that I want my children to be able to say of me, "Mom was quick to admit her faults!"
So here I am today, talking about a major mistake in my homeschooling history. This is not a critique on homeschooling families. Obviously, we loved homeschooling so much we did it for five years. This is just my experience, and somewhere along the way I hope it is helpful for another homeschooling Mom.
Confession: I spent too much time with my children. *loud gasp* I did. I really, really did. Here's the deal, somehow we have taken the idea of the stay at home mom, and the homeschooling mom and holed her up in her house 24/7 with no community, no friends, no support, no outlet, no space, and called it good. We have left the stay at home mom all alone in her house with small, raging, manic beasts who pull on her, nurse on her, ask for a million snacks, fill her ears day and night with whining, who make a million messes, and on top of all of that need to be educated. And then we say, "smile for the cover of, "The New Christian Homeschooling Mom Magazine" ".
So what am I suggesting? We put all of our kids in brick and mortar school? NO WAY! What I am suggesting, is that those who homeschool be highly sensitive to the fact that mom has GOT to be able to catch her breath some where along the way. This is also true of the SAHM with small children. Our kids need a break from our voices. Otherwise, the contributing factors to monster mom increases exponentially. And boom, before you are even aware of it, the space you have created to love and educate your children becomes your children's prison and your ongoing nightmare.
Dads this is where you HAVE to be aware of your wife and her needs. While yes, you work all day long too, your wife does not get the space she needs while she is at home all day. She is with them 24/7. I used to dream of being Mark, riding in the car all alone 30 minutes to work and 30 minutes back from work. Eating lunch with adults, sitting in my cubicle; silent, still, and yes maybe even bored. Oh, that was the heaven I drooled after. This is when I realized something was amiss in our home. I was drooling over cubicles :)
Unfortunately, there is no magic formula. Each mom is so unique with a different set of needs. When I first started homeschooling I had a really good formula going. Katie was 6 and the only one homeschooling. Julia was 4, Lucy was 2, and Anderson was 5 months. I taught in the morning, then everyone did nap time and I got 2 hours of reprieve. Then we spent our afternoons at ballet, piano lessons, gymnastics, and field trips.I worked on Tuesday evenings and got adult interaction. I had something to call my own. It worked. It worked well! The balance was ideal. Speaking of balance, a special shout out to my sister who is homeschooling for the first time this year and I am so PROUD of her!! She has found a great balance and routinely hears from me, "Get away! Get away! Get away!"
Last year (while really nothing was 'normal' about last year) did me in. We were in no position financially to involve the kids in extra curricular activities and I had no desire to seek out the millions of free opportunities in homeschooling circles for activities, because grief sits you on your butt and says, "be. still." So we spent too much time together. The kids rarely, if ever, gave me 90 minutes of quiet during "quiet time" and I was homeschooling 3 different grades last year. So the work was more intense and the hours homeschooling required increased. We also downsized for financial reasons and had little space to breathe. It was the perfect formula for the monster mom in me to reside in our home way too often, and the guilt began to chew me up. Anxiety, stress, sadness, took it's toll of my gut and my heart, and it was time for a change.
It would have been EXTREMELY selfish of me to keep homeschooling under those conditions. It stopped being healthy for ALL parties involved. This is where we trap ourselves, especially in homeschooling circles. As a homeschooling parent, you have to know that other options exist! Co-ops, fields trips, exchanges, mother's morning out, bible studies, girls night out, YMCA, date nights, and yes, even brick and mortar school. Any and everything that will allow you to recharge and renew, so that you can do your job better. Again, this is also very applicable to SAHMs.
Hands down, I am a better mom to my kids this year. Not necessarily because we put them in public school, but because we all have the much needed and very natural space it takes to raise a butt load of kids. Yay for the double wide! If and when I homeschool again, it will look significantly different. The formula will include ample "time away from my cherubs", and I will fight with more determination to keep that monster mom at bay.
Please hear my heart.
Please know that I HAVE walked a mile in your shoes.
Please know that you are not a failure if homeschooling is not your thing.
Please know that God uses all different ways to educate our children.
Please know your options.
And for heaven's sake! Get away from those kids :)!!!
~Sara
No comments:
Post a Comment