Not Knowing What You're Made Of

I am not sure why I was shocked. My child who tends to feel everything to the max, seemed to fall off the emotional cliff when things began to down spiral with Mama. For about six months, we struggled with a skittish, unsettled, little girl. Any time we needed to go somewhere, sweet baby girl, curled up on the couch and cried, complaining of physical pain in her stomach. Her stomach was constantly in knots, and her GI was a total mess. It was unnerving. She never wanted to leave the house. We tried every thing we knew to do; love, quality time, therapy, prayer, diet changes, prepping her in advance for leaving to go anywhere, more prayer, and on and on. Every horrible thought went through our heads. It was a very helpless feeling. It wasn't until about April (and the increase in vitamin D) that we began to see our Julia reemerge from the chambers of uncertainty and raw grief.

You can then understand why we were apprehensive about sending Julia to overnight summer camp for the first time EVER, uprooting her from Kansas, giving her her own room, and then throwing her into school, all within a four week span.

For camp, I called in the spies, and threatened Zach that our relationship would cease to exist if he let her suffer through homesickness and kept me in the dark; "Don't make her struggle, if she wants to come home, call me, I'll be there!" Dad faithfully reported back each day to her emotional climate, and even did a little investigative work to make sure Zach wasn't overlooking anything :)! Each day they reported that she was smiling and having fun."Sara, she is fine, she's doing great!" "She's eating, and laughing, all good signs!" Six days she was gone, and each day she proved this doubting Mama wrong. I couldn't believe she did it, I couldn't believe she survived. It was reported she had a couple of teary nights, but her Chiefs were outstanding and made sure she found the bed and slept off the sadness. It was a total success, and she is counting down til next summer.

The whole time I kept thinking, "this child is made out of something I knew not of!"

Julia settled in her own room without a blink. She told us over and over again how much she loved having her own room. I thought for sure she would struggle with the darkness and the loneliness. I was wrong.

The whole time I kept thinking, "this child is made out of something I knew not of!"

I knew school was going to be the final blow. I imagined mornings of dragging her out of bed and forcing her to go to school. I prepared myself for afternoons of pouting and banging my head on the table as we attempted to do homework. Especially, after the school year she and I had last year; she and I spent more time bartering about how much work she had to do before she could go outside and run some laps, than we actually spent working on school. She continually reported to friends and family that she was on vacation from school. Looking back, between the deep grief I was mucking through, and the uncertainty and sadness she could not pinpoint; it was a MIRACLE the child came out of first grade with any working knowledge of the world around her. Proof again, that God's goodness surrounded us during the darkness.

Here we are 10 weeks into school, and not ONE morning has Julia whined about going school. NOT ONE. She loves school! And the way we are seeing her bloom, under the careful watch and care of her AMAZING teachers, makes my heart explode with gratefulness I cannot pen.

It always brings me to tears, when I recount the stories of Julia's last year. The faithful Guide who went before us and before our Julia Waitz, to draw her to Himself through deep struggle and soaring success.

Again, it humbles me and makes me say, "This child is made out of something I knew not of!"

Bean,

Your daddy and I have seen you grow in this last year like NEVER before! You grew up in so many ways, during some really difficult circumstances. This last year has left us in awe of this mystery ingredient you possess in your heart; a persevering, never giving up, bold- yet gentle- determination, oozed out of you in this incredible way. We think everyone should be blessed enough to have a Julia in their lives. We have seen Jesus tread on new areas of your heart, molding you more and more like Him. We love your core. We love all the ingredients that your precious EIGHT YEAR OLD heart possesses.  You keep our life FULL of flavor, spice, and all things NICE :) We can't wait to dig into the next year with you and come out on the other side saying, "this child is made out of something we knew not of!"

We love you oodles and oodles!
Big 'ole smooch!
Daddy and Mama