Miss Billy Lovely

Post 501, the post after 500.

It's been a really crappy week. I am still struggling with feeling very unsettled in our new life. After having to join five new communities over the years, I know that submerging a family into a new community takes countless hours and painful ticks of the watch. This phase of the transition is always the hardest for me. It even happened when we moved "home" to Kansas. You feel like you go on a million "first dates" as a family. First dates to church, first dates to dinner parties, first dates to play dates, first dates in so many different social arenas. First dates are exhausting. Inevitably, there is all kinds of false advertising on a first date, and you sense that every statement has to be followed up with an explanation so you don't offend anyone and burn the potential bridge of friendship. EXHAUSTING!

Thankfully, just like in Kansas, we came back to MS to lots of developed friendships where there is no pretense, no explanation needed, just a whole lot of making out. *Laugh! It's a joke, it worked with my metaphor*

I've also been reading this book that is rocking my very core. It's called "Extravagant Grace" by Barbara Duguid. If you're on FB I've blown up my feed with quotes.

Most us prefer to hide our sin and weakness instead of revealing ourselves and experiencing shame and humiliation. As a result, our churches have become places where we perform well for others and speak far more about our victories than our struggles. In consequence, many Christians wrestle with the agony of sinful failure in isolation and desperation. The silent message (that churches are spreading) is deafening: Christians are people who quickly grow and change, and if you are weak and struggling you must not be a believer, or perhaps worse, you are a particularly bad Christian in whom God is very, very disappointed. ~Maybe it's time to change the message...~ Extravagant Grace YES! YES! YES!

Let's be honest: if the chief work of the Holy Spirit in sanctification is to make Christians more sin-free, then he isn't doing a very good job. God could have saved us and made us instantly perfect. Instead, He chose to save us and leave indwelling sin in our hearts and bodies. Think of what this means. God thinks that you will actually come to know and love Him better as a desperate and weak sinner in continual need of grace than you would as a triumphant Christian warrior who wins each and every battle against sin. That is shocking news, isn't it?

It is messing up my head. Thanks Chris, for buying this book for me :) It has caused a shift in the ingrained teaching I have been exposed too my whole life. Unfortunately, I cannot resolve it in my heart yet.  For my husband, it has meant dealing with an emotionally spastic wife (more than normal I would say, Zach). As of two days ago, I was swearing off all Christians and all organized religion. Yep, it was a reasonable day I would say :)  Maybe y'all should say a prayer for him or send large amounts of wine. I told him when he married me he knew I was passionate, he said there was ample false advertising.

When you let the message of grace, the pure, undefiled message of grace, penetrate your heart, you cannot be stagnant in responding. When you realize that at the end of the day it is Jesus plus nothing, (and our deceitful hearts are really good and substituting nothing) you fall to your face and beg for more of Jesus and less of you. When the message of grace leaves you standing at the foot of the cross, you are tempted to clear the temple tables in your daily life of anything that misrepresents that message. *Sigh*

Eight years ago, we had just moved to Starkville, MS. I had a brand new Julia and a 26 month old Katie. We knew no one except sweet Mary-Mary, who literally kept me sane. Even the smallest of tasks, like grocery shopping, were overwhelming to this sleep deprived mother of two. A couple times a week, or every day, because I couldn't seem to remember everything on my grocery list, we would go to Wal-Mart. Each trip to Wal-Mart included a small interaction with the greeter. It was the same greeter every time. At first, she was cold and smiled very little. It always broke my heart that we couldn't seem to break the coldness and get her to smile. If you remember Katie at 26 months you remember what a hoot that girl was. She talked to anyone. Countless hours and many painful ticks of the watch later, the girls broke through the shell of Miss Billy and she smiled. Smiling lead to her handing out a sticker at the end of our visit. One sticker lead to her setting aside an entire roll of stickers at the beginning of her shift to give to the girls.

Between August of 2005 and May of 2009, you cannot imagine the amount of trips we took to Walmart, and all the seemingly small interactions we had with Miss Billy. When we left in May of 2009, Miss Billy cried. I cried. The girls cried. We had gone from two babies to four babies in a short, WAY TOO SHORT, 41 months. Miss Billy always knew I was pregnant before everyone else, because she saw me carrying around an extra, empty Walmart sack to throw up in while we shopped. "Oooooo, girl!" she would always say with this huge grin on her face, "You and your husband sure do know how to make 'dem babies!" "Yes, Ma'am we do!"

This summer, after we moved back to Mississippi, we ran to the Starkville Walmart, because I'm high maintenance like that. Low and behold as the sliding glass door opened and I grabbed my buggy, out of the corner of my eye I saw Miss Billy standing there with this huge grin on her face. I literally ran to her and hugged her like I would hug my oldest and dearest friends. I almost cried. Immediately, she asked after the girls and I spent five minutes showing her pictures on my phone. The last time she saw Anderson he was six weeks old so she just oooed and awed over his cute self. Seeing Miss Billy that day made my heart swell with this deep appreciation for the blessing that can come from reaching out and touching one life with a smile. Just a little dose of Jesus' love and a Wal-Mart sticker can change the world.

Yesterday, in the middle of my really crappy week, the girls came storming in from school and Katie held this red envelope in her hand, "Mom, you will NOT believe who this card is from?!" She was right, I had no idea. "Mom, it's a letter from Miss Billy!!!! Wal-mart, Miss Billy! Starkville, Miss Billy." Immediately, before we even opened the letter, Katie, Julia and I started crying (to my future son in laws, I am sorry I've raised such weepy girls). Y'all you cannot imagine what a precious gift that card was to me this week. It was this sweet reminder to not give up on mankind.To not give up on the power of gently spoken word. To not give up on pursuing just ONE person in your daily life. To not give up on clinging to Christ alone. It reminded me to stop throwing my pearls to pigs and just seek more of Jesus. It reminded that the gospel alone, thru grace alone, is all that matters.

I loved Wal-Mart before yesterday, but you better believe this lady will never stop shopping there as long as long as there are Miss Billy's to be found!

To all the Miss Billy's in your life!
~Sara