Because It's Important Part 2

We are exactly half way through our fast for week 1. This particular week we are fasting from food. No, we are not NOT eating, but we are eating WAY differently than we usually do. Some women in our group are eating the menu from a third world country (rice, beans, tortilla, water) some are just fasting from a specific food (sugar, coke, snacks) and some are just eating the same seven foods all week.

Here is my journal entry from hour 8 into the fast;

Day 1 4pm ~ I am about ready to quit!  My head is pounding from a headache. And it's possible I ate my Vitamin C like a delicate piece of chocolate. I've drank like 16 mugs of hot water hoping maybe one of them would turn into coffee. I can't stop thinking about food. I typically don't think about food this much, but I devoured my lunch like I hadn't eaten in days. Even though I had had breakfast 3 hours earlier. I feel like I am in a fog. Probably from the lack of caffeine or the fact my contacts are two weeks expired and the eye doctor didn't get my shipment in because of the blizzard. I keep accidentally bringing food to my mouth while I prepare food for the kids. I don't even think about it! Pretty sure pancakes smothered in honey was not on my list. Monster mom has not escaped from the cage yet, although when my head was pounding and Anderson had found the recorder I had to sit in my room for a few minutes. During the kids rest time I laid down to rest and pray (that my head ache go away) and I passed out for two hours. I think the kids thought I was sick.

I laughed with God telling Him I wasn't sure when I was going to hear from Him in the craziness of the noise around here. I don't have hours to ponder, pontificate, and pray... But He is speaking!! In the un-comfortableness of my mind, in the fog of my crack addict like caffeine withdrawal, in the weakness of my body, and in the discipline of saying, "no"!

As I noted in the journal, I have been running around with old contacts in my eyes because everything is delayed because of the past snow storm and the new storm getting ready to dump ( Random: God and I giggled about the fact that during this week of fast He sent two snow storms so that we might "enjoy" A LOT of time with our many, small children in tiny spaces and NO COFFEE and NO WINE :) Today, the eye doc called to say my contacts came in on the last shipment. I loaded my children up after sledding for PE, and ran over before the impending storm started in an hour. I took out my five week old contacts (I am suppose to wear them for 2) and it was heaven to be able to see with a sharpness, clarity, and focus I had been lacking for several weeks. I didn't realize how comfortable I had become with blindness.

That is what I am learning about myself right now during this fast.  I am comfortable being blind. It is easier to feed every whim of want in my body rather than abstain. I do not leave room for want in the life I live. If I want it, crave it, think it's sounds delicious, then I make it happen. Even if it's walking into the kitchen mid afternoon and peeling a fresh orange from the fruit basket. I just do it and don't stop to think about the depth of richness and blessing I have at my finger tips.  

My sister sent out this article on the life of a Haitian:

 "Maybe you are so impoverished the ONE meal a day the average Haitian eats is unattainable. You and your family are forced to eat "dirt cakes" to quiet your hunger pangs. Your family buys these cakes of clay, salt, and vegetable shortening to eat when you don't have enough money to buy the rice and beans that others eat. A meal of rice and beans costs nearly $1, but a dirt cake only costs a few cents. By eating these dirt cakes, patties, biscuits or whatever they might be called, you almost certainly ingest intestinal parasites. The parasitic worms that were in the dirt will devour up to 25% of the nutrients you eat. Without a 0.02$ de-worming pill these parasites will linger in your digestive tract perpetually." From p81 Haiti Relief

Dirt.

They eat dirt. Not as a mistake, not as a joke, they eat it to satisfy the burning hunger in their gut.

The fast is giving me sharpness, clarity, and focus that I do not believe I would have if I wasn't abstaining. I have sharpness to only invest in the moment right in front of me. I don't have the energy to engage in worrying about trivial decisions and gossip. I have clarity to see the wretched, selfish, spoiled, whiny heart that indwells me, even while ingesting my 7 gourmet foods. And I have the focus to get through the next hour with the strength and determination God can only provide, so that I don't go to First Watch and pour a pot of coffee into my mouth.

God isn't writing on walls or sending angels to proclaim a message to me, but He is whispering reminders of Himself in my heart all day long. I need Him this week in a way that I probably have never needed Him. I need Him to end my wants, as Psalm 23:1 says, "The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want!" He is all I need. When I can not satisfy my culinary wants, HE HAS TO SATISFY!!

Oh friends, this is NOT easy. I am no longer freakishly excited. :) It's actually far and above more difficult than I could have imagined. But the rawness and pliability of my heart is refreshing and renewing.

I can see a little bit better than I did a week ago, and I consider that a win!!

Here's to seeing!
~Sara
P.S. On a lighter note here are some super fun pictures from the snow!!