FIVE! AH-AH-AH-AH

writing the number 5 for julia has been this ongoing demon in our handwriting for YEARS! i am talking about 3 years of dotting her fives because she just could not get the form down. she has avoided math problems that end in 5 because she has dreaded writing them. either that, or i have to dot them for her... otherwise, it's total melt down.

i continue to be amazed at each of the my children's different learning styles. i have known julia for almost 7 years and the past two weeks i have begun to understand her more and more. julia can be irrational and bi-polar (like her mother) but fully motivated by this incredibly passionate personality. however, i have learned that her responses to circumstances are really less about the circumstances and more about this standard she has set in her mind of what her work should be. with katie, i could always over compensate with words of affirmation to get us through a sticky, difficult subject; not with julia. i can compliment til the cows come home, but if she has not reached the standard she has set in her mind, she has not accomplished her goal.

this week we are working on julia communicating with me the goals she has set in her mind, deciding if they are realistic, and then working together to formulate a plan that causes the least amount of stress and bi polar-ness in our home.

back to the 5.

this week we have had to write A LOT of number 5's in math, so before we even set out i worked with julia on this little saying (because "tag in the back by the booty crack" was so successful with anderson) "straight line, straight line, fat-pregnant belly." the straight lines represent the top and middle part of the 5, and the fat-pregnant belly is for the lower-case, b-like, shape. at first, i was saying, "fat belly" and the curve was not large enough, so i added pregnant, and it made all the difference.

yesterday, julia wrote 5's like this throughout her math lesson and i wanted to jump up and down for joy (ok, so maybe i DID jump up and down for joy!)

isn't that the most perfect 5 you have ever seen?

everyday, i learn that more often than not, joy is found in the little things. like; half and half in your coffee, filling unorganized worship music into a tidy little box with labels, flirting with your husband, blueberry balsamic vinegar from the Tasteful Olive,  kisses from your three year old baby boy to wake you up, attic fans, and yes, even conquering your 5's demon!

here's to the little joys you find today!
 ~s
p.s. i would love to hear about some of your little joys...

when we pray

this song has blessed me over and over again these past few weeks. this was one of the songs that the kids sang at VBS.

there are so many lines that have just melted into my daily movements.

"when we pray, our hearts are free"

i don't know about you, but my heart needs freedom from a lot of things, freedom from a lot of people. prayer offers me this ability to lay it all down at the foot of the cross, brush my hands off and say, "it's yours...have at it!" true. FREEDOM!

" then you say, get up and go! let the chains fall down, for you have no need to fear!"

what has you in chains today?

fear?
insecurity?
lies?
money?
status?
excess?
grief?

prayer offers the answer for us to loose these chains and dance a dance that is unhindered.

music always just soothes the rough edges of my life. it heals on a level that is indescribable.

i hope you enjoy!
~s

Living In The Storm: The Flat Tire

most people at some point in their lives have had a flat tire.  there was a period of time where it felt like we were having LOTS of flat tires. pretty sure it was when mark was in school and we kept avoiding buying new tires because well... we were in school. consequently, we carried a tire inflater (is that a word?) in the trunk of the van, because we just learned to expect a flat tire; the slow, non-shocking, type of flat tire.

or you have the time when we were driving from kansas to mississippi on I-55 and POP-BLITZ-BLAM-OH! we had a flat tire. it was the more shocking, everyone in the car starts crying, and we tried to keep the van from spinning out of control at a high speed... flat tire.

two very different types of flat tires.

can't life sometimes seem like a flat tire?

i mean, like... the slow deflating type. don't we all face situations in our lives that seem to slowly drain our energy, our stability, our focus, our passion? on many levels we come to anticipate them and carry around inflaters (coffee is my choice inflater) in our back pockets. if you are parent, like many of our readers, you know the slow deflation i am talking about. when i had a 5 yr old, 3 yr old, 21 month old, and a new born, i told mark i felt like i was being pecked from sun up to sun down by little chickens, "peck, peck, peck, peck!" between the wants, needs, and the whines, it was an unbelievably exhausting season for me.

then we have those shocking POP-BLITZ-BLAM-OH, situations that happen out of no where (loss of job, loss of home, loss of life, loss of marriage, loss of security,...) and all of the air in our life is automatically sucked out and we are left with mere shreds of an existence. lots of tears are shed and we try and keep our lives from spinning out of control at high speeds.

the older i get the more sensitive i get to the ever present group of people i come in contact with daily that are hurting. whether from a slow leak or an unexpected blow out.

lately, however i have just been trying to patch up the slow leak in my own life.*clause* for future reference it is NOT a wise idea to combine a move with another major life crisis. remember here when i talked about major milestones with my children and how i NEVER combine two MAJOR things at once? i was a really wise person when i wrote that. i realize that i could have not predicted the happenings in my life in the last month, but still.

ok, you are thinking, "where is she going with this? all we have is a flat tire that seems mildly depressed and in need of a some free air from quick trip! wrap this up lady with 3 points and a conclusion!"

i am not really sure where i am going with this, which is odd b/c usually indecision is not my battle.

i guess what i am trying to say is, i've got a slow leak.. i have been more impatient, unsure, inconsistent, moody, hurtful, and selfish these past few weeks than maybe ever before in my life. i feel like i am rotating my tires to see where the slow leak is to patch it up to try and save the tire... but when one hole is patched another is punctured. it can be a very difficult ride here on the tire rotater.

the other night i was having a "moment" with katie. we've been struggling to find our way back to the teacher/student relationship. me being too hard-her being too sensitive. i was asking her to forgive all the screw ups i had that day (there were MANY) and it only took me getting out, "i'm so sorry" before we both started bawling. katie wrapped me up in her arms and through sniffles and snot she said, "Mama, i know this thing with Grammy is really hard for you, it would be really hard for me if you were going through something like what Grammy is going through.. so, i totally forgive you!"

and there, wound up in the heart of my almost nine year old, was the patch that i needed to begin to repair the slow leak in my heart.

katie knew the exact source of my slow leak. not only did she know it, she accepted it and tried to put herself in my shoes. she extended me real forgiveness.... and a patch.

mark said at lunch today something to the effect of, "all i want for our children is for them to be able to really love other people!"

man, he is SUCH a great dad!! and what an amazing desire!!

i hope that you can extend patches today, or like me, be blessed, and be the recipient of a patch!

~s

first day of school pic

Living In The Storm: "Oh Shit!"

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, rather by the number of hilarious and "make you feel good" visits you take to the nursing home" ~Sara Littlejohn

I am a firm believer in the power of a well placed expletive.

Pretty sure that trickled down from my Mama.

Growing up I could count on ONE hand the number of times my mom used an expletive. It was never out of anger, frustration, or directed at another human being. It was ALWAYS very well placed and very purposeful.

We talked about one such incident in this post.

My mom never tried being anyone except herself, which in her line of business (pastor's wife) can be extremely challenging. She was not concerned with who the congregation, elders, presbytery, WIC committee, or other first wives from first family churches,  thought she should be. She was just her bold, straightforward, "don't beat around the bush", truth teller, self. I have met very few pastor's wives that embody the rich security my mom found in simply being a child of God. I think this allowed her to minister in a real, deep, authentic place.

I'll never forget the first time mom cursed in front of a small portion of my friends. I asked her what we were having for dinner and she replied, "shit on a shingle!" My friends about fell out of their chairs, and they never again looked at my mother the same (in a good way).

All of this to say, first thing this morning I loaded the kids up to go visit Mama-Mama. I just woke up and HAD to see her. Mainly, because I wanted to touch her, kiss her, and hold her hand for a bit. This was the second time I had taken the kids, and they were just thrilled to be with her after spending three long weeks of being forced NOT to see her.

Almost every resident lit up when we walked down the hallway to mom's room. Sweet faces, wearing blessings of a life time in their wrinkles, waved and smiled at my little clan. When we first approached mom's room her door was closed, after a little *knock, knock* the CNA opened the door and out wheeled mama ready for the day. As the "hi grammy, hi mama, hi grammy, hi grammy, hi grammy" were being said, mom hollered out in a very loud voice, "OH SHIT!" Not the "I am so mad you are here," or the "get out of my face" or the " I forgot something", but rather the "OH SHIT! I am so, so, so glad to see you!" Katie and I giggled out loud, the other three went about their business offering hugs and kisses having no reason to know that word is "negative".

On the heels of her exclamation she shouted in a broken way, "aren't...these... the most b-b-b-beau-TI-FUL grand....grand....grand cats you've ever seen?"

And there in that moment, we soaked up the small, but rather large pronouncement, that Grammy knew (if even for a split second) that her grand-cats had arrived, and it caused her to feel something real, deep, and authentic. So real in fact that Valerie Sue Fry Hall spoke up from the depths of her very familiar being and shouted, "OH SHIT!"

If that is not a moment to measure your life by, I might as well throw in the towel and head for glory.

I don't tell you this story to defame my mother or dishonor the amazing, spiritual legacy she leaves behind. I tell you this because these past few weeks have been far from easy and normal. We will probably measure the rest of our days around these events. More than anything I am so glad that even the "shitty" moments are bringing us unexplainable joy!

~Sara

Living In The Storm: The Agony of Death

more than ever in my whole life i frequently find myself at the nailed scarred feet of my Savior, repeating through sobs of a broken heart, "what do you have for me HERE?! what are you trying to teach ME?! what are doing in my heart so that i might be more like YOU?"

as a large family, as smaller family segments, as married couples, and as individuals, we have felt much agony over our sweet Mama's situation. through not such a lovely process, i learned long ago not to beg God to remove the agony, or the pain, or the days of darkness. thankfully, He so graciously and gently taught me to ask of Him, "what do you have for right NOW, in THIS place, in THIS situation? what do you want me learn? please, please, don't let me miss it!!"

i don't want to miss what He has for me in this period of sadness and grief.  i have the testimony of His word, the testimony of my own life, and the testimony of the MANY lives lived and being lived, that my God does not let agony keep Him from refining something MUCH more beautiful than gold.

this verse made my heart swell with gladness, and while reading it over and over again, i whispered from the depths of my heart, "blessings, blessings, BLESSINGS!!!!!!" (thanks, Pastor John!)

acts 2:24

"BUT God raised Him (Jesus) up again, putting AN END TO THE AGONY OF DEATH, since it was impossible for Him to be held in its power."

i am so blessed that i serve a God who has removed the agony of death thru His ultimate sacrifice on the cross, so that the ugly process of leaving this earth simply means the assurance of being forever is His presence!!

~s
*i've heard from a few of you concerned that this post indicated that Mama Mama had die. No worries, she is still very much with us. when the time comes, i will be very straight forward in informing you :) in the meantime, i was just sharing some thoughts i was chewing on today.. *

Will You Marry Me?

oh my, our poor neglected children have fallen off the face of this blog.

for those of you who tune into this blog for them, i apologize. everyone is clicking a long. some days are snaps and some days are a total collapse. change is not easy on ANY ONE, whether it's 1100 miles or 20, moving is just a LOOONNNNGGGG process. 

we are wrapping up our last week of summer with our favorite extra curricular activities before the school master hammer falls...  ;)

while, i don't have much time to write today i HAD to share these two videos of anderson. why he is so stinking cute? i'll never know, but OH MY GOODNESS!!

in both videos he snuck his uncle jonny's ipod and recorded these two messages.

in both videos he proposes. i figure he loves the idea of marriage and kissing because he has a stellar example to watch (bwhahahaha) OR maybe, love is in the air :) either way, i hope these make you laugh as many times as they made me laugh today.

Living In The Storm: In Sickness And In Health

nobody does a wedding like my dad. nobody. last night i had the priviledge of meeting with a very special couple who my dad is marrying at the end of the month.

mom and dad have been walking couples through pre-marital counseling and weddings for 3 decades. last night i felt very inadequate, knowing that my mom is usually the one sitting at dad's side helping everyone along.  i know she always would say just the right thing to help calm the couple down, "we WILL have fun, and you WILL get married" is among the top of her most repeated phrases.

sitting, watching my dad walk through picking out this sweet couples vows, their ring vows, their music, etc etc, just allowed my mind to wander and think about the raw emotions pulsating through my body. here is a man, my daddy nonetheless, walking through some of the darkest days of his life, and all the while he is coming along side young couples and whispering in their ears, "this is the way! love each other. forgive each other. love with a love not of your own."

if my dad married you (like he did SO many of you readers) if you've watched my dad do a wedding, if you have watched him love my Mama at any point in their almost 40 years of marriage, know this: you will rarely  find a more "real life", tangible, example of, "in sickness and in health" as you will find in their marriage.

you want to know what real love is? watch a man stroke his wife's hair over and over again, all while whispering in her ear, "i love you, i love you, i love you!"

you want to know what real love is? watch a man humbly and willingly lay down ALL of his own wants and desires, and elevate his wife's needs and wants, with NOTHING in return.

you want to know what real love is? watch a man who is the living definition of " in sickness and in health" exhort a couple to promise each other that EXACT same thing a few short weeks from now.

very few people in the audience that day will know the weight of those words as they graciously and lovingly come out of my daddy's mouth, but me, this sad excuse as a "fill in" for my mom, will hear those words and feel those words like never before.

MOM UPDATE:
mom has been stable for almost 6 days now. her heart and her mind have found a pretty calm and happy place. while we are VERY relieved that much of the anger and torment seem to have been stilled, we are now more aware than ever what the disease has taken from her mind.

hopefully in the next few days or so, Mama will be transferred to a rehabilitation facility for some transitional rehabilitation.

praise:
mom has been stabilized remarkably fast.
she has been laughing, smiling, and singing almost everyday!

the other day while i was there i am pretty sure she thought she was leading a bible study, and inbetween hymns mom would break out in a loud voice and lead the whole room in prayer. it was one of the SWEETEST moments. she was also asking anyone who entered the room if they needed a little something to drink and eat. again, she is definitely in her element.

prayer requests:
mom has lost an incredible amount of weight. please pray that she will "eat her face off" as my children say and get some meat on her bones. :)
prayer that when the transition between facilities takes place that it will be smooth.

before my mom ever met my dad she overheard a conversation he was having with another man. my mom has the gift of intuition, she can feel things most people NEVER even sense. anyway, after she heard that conversation she ran back to her group of friends and begged them to pray for this unnamed man she was ease dropping on :)

i am very confident that if Mama were able to ask something of  you, she would beg you to pray for her man. once again, he sometimes goes unnamed in her mind, but she would sense he needs your prayers.

pray for my dad, who at one point, almost 40 years ago made a promise that he would love "in sickness and in health."

~s