one small step

when i started homeschooling, someone with much experience told me to focus on the basics as i began; reading, writing, and math. this was SUPER freeing for me.  when you sit down and look at the intense curriculum we use, it helped me prioritize my school day with katie. the more schooling i do with katie the more i realize what i want her to take away from our time together. i want her to be able to strongly communicate orally and in written form. i also want her to master math. not just be "ok" at it. i think if you are strong, really strong at these two subjects, the world of education is at your finger tips.  don't get me wrong I LOVE history. I LOVE science. history was my favorite subject in school. my original plan in life was to become a history teacher (deeply motivated by the HUGE impact my history teacher had on me :)) God had other plans, but it doesn't mean that i still don't eat up history and current events like a mad dog. i mean, i live in a place that is dripping with history around each corner. so right now history is experiential for us. i DO teach science, and katie actually LOVES science, but science is at the bottom of the to-do list for now. obviously, that will change as we continue.

all this to say, writing for katie is extremely painful. creating a new idea is hard for her. we spent hours and tears writing ONE sentence in the first grade. katie can copy ANYTHING. that's why she thrives in dance. katie can verbally communicate any thought, feeling, or experience she has been through. she has been doing it since about the time she turned one. she came that way. but to have to invent a random sentence that she did not experience or copy.... YIKES. julia can create the craziest, funniest, most random stories and sentences in a heart beat. but it's painful for her to focus and follow precise instructions, and verbally communicate her feelings.. katie is just like mark. julia is just like me.

we try very hard to help our kids in their weaknesses. not critique or destroy them, but build them up and encourage them. when julia falls to pieces and her whining is that of a siren, i try (a lot of times i fail) to calmly say, "julia, stop whining and tell me what's going on?" most the time she just continues to have a freak out and it quickly turns into a melt down that requires discipline.... this can be an exhausting cycle.

but, ah, we had a sweet moment of growth this last week regarding both girls.
from scratch, katie had to write a very descriptive poem about fruit, using some similes. we spent time brainstorming, writing our ideas on paper, verbally talking about it, and then she had to write it down. i am SO PROUD of the poem she wrote. i cried. who cries about a fruity poem? :)

An orange is juicy,
just like Lucy.

An orange is yummy,
just like honey.

An orange is bumpy,
and a little lumpy.

It's a good snack,
and it is easy to pack.

T.S. Eliot you better watch out :)

last week jules was in a mood. she began to whine, bully, and peck on me. i got down on her eye level pulled her close so she could feel me breathe, and i said, "julia, you have two choices, you can tell me what's wrong and together you and i can find a solution, or you can walk back to my room and i will show you the solution. what would you like to do?"

she pulled a little bit back, sighed and said, "mom, i just feel totally frustrated and overwhelmed... and i think i am tired." i cried. ah, a direct statement about her feelings. i hugged her. "julia, what can mama do to to help you with these feelings?" she replied, "will you come put me down for a nap? i think i just need to sleep!" more true words could not have been spoken. an hour and half later she came out of her room refreshed and sweet :)

oh, the ending to these kinds of situations do not always end so successfully. i wish they did. but i am VERY grateful when they turn out this way. it gives me hope they both of my sweet girls are learning and growing, DESPITE me.

and just as a glimmer of hope begins to spread.... anderson throws his oatmeal at me in anger this morning... back to the drawing board.

happy thursday,
~s

Marriage Part 2 :You Do Not Have What It Takes!

                               View from the hotel, nice eh?


The book of Ephesians was the foundation for the conference.  The purpose being, if we do not allow Ephesians chapters 1-3, to be the very focus of our lives, then Ephesians chapters 4-6, (wives submit to your husbands, husbands love your wives as Christ as loved the church. children obey your parents. slaves submit to your masters, etcc) will be impossible and painful.

On the first day Tim Lane spoke about being One with the body of Christ. I am going to take part of his analogy and expand upon it. He paralleled the Christian life with an ocean; vast, unmeasured,.. the ocean full of blessing, hardship, relationship, LIFE. And we the Christian, as a whale. While the whale remains in the ocean of relationship with God and with His body (the church) he will live, and move, and have being. (Acts 17:28) But if the whale beaches himself on the sand because the ocean is hard, painful, hurtful, not what one expected it to be; then he will surely die (not a physical death, but a spiritual death). No justification for isolation will give life to that whale. Only when the whale is being what it was meant to be in the ocean will it thrive and have true life. As married couples, we can not beach ourselves on the sand convincing each other that we have all the gifts we need to meet the others needs. As parents, we can not beach our families on the sand and justify our isolation because we think we have all the gifts to meet the needs of our children. Ephesians 1:18 says, "I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints,"

 What is our hope? What are the riches of His glory? Where is our inheritance found? In the saints. In relationships with others who call on His name. Not in the church building, not in the church programs, not in church traditions, not in the church laws, BUT IN RELATIONSHIP WITH THE SAINTS. Glimpses of eternal heaven are found in our relationships with others. The burden is shared, the joy is found, dances of celebration begin, the relationship with Christ is enhanced and deepened when we entertain angels in our homes (Hebrews 13:2), when our hands and feet are the tools our Savior uses to touch His own. We, renewed and determined, link arms with the saints and actively charge the gates of hell. That is why "church" is important. That's why communion with the saints is important. That's why corporately joining together in song, and the hearing of the word is commanded not suggested. Not to bore us, not to require another "act of goodness" from us. Rather so, that we, (you and me) may experience the fullness of our inheritance in the here and now. He is giving us hope by giving us each other. He is revealing His glory in our relationships. We are partaking in our inheritance when make ourselves vulnerable and willing to risk being in relationship. He is giving us the encouragement and the strength we need to live out our calling here on earth by giving us each other. We, in and of ourselves, do not have what it takes to replicate the blessing from being in relationship with others. We can not replicate it for our spouse and we can not replicate it for our children. WE NEED EACH OTHER!!! We need our Savior, and we need the beauty of true community and relationship in the body of Christ.

C.S. Lewis says is best,

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything
and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is... to be vulnerable." 

(The Four Loves)

~s

Marriage Part One:The Great Sacrifice

Mark and I attended the CCEF marriage conference over the weekend.  Honestly, I am not really ready to put into words our experience. One, because I am afraid my words will not do it justice. Two, I am still letting all that happened penetrate to my core and settle before I speak about it. But don't worry, I have every intention of sharing about this powerful and humbling weekend.

Weekends like this just don't happen.  There has to be much planning, budgeting, and sacrifice. All of our friends who typically take care of our kids in our absence were all attending the marriage conference, so we were on the hunt for someone to watch our most precious treasures. Our friend, Jenny Ozborn,came to mind. She has been apart of our lives for a long time. We met at camp in French Camp MS, and our respect and love for her has just continued to grow.  She took on a weekend like this 2 years ago when we just had 3 girls and one boy in utero. So, it was a natural choice to at least ask Jenny. Jenny lives in MS as a pediatric oncology/hematology nurse, and basically minored in camp and camp programming :) Who better to care of our kids? Jenny willingly rearranged her schedule, her life, her time, and her budget to come and take care of our kids. S.A.C.R.I.F.I.C.E. Jenny, your sacrifice allowed Mark and me to go experience one of the most special weekends in all of our marriage. You know how grateful we are for you!

My sister asked me yesterday, "Was it worth it?" She, knowing all the time, money, energy, planning, etc that went into it..... I said, " Absolutely, I would do it over and over again," and I plan on it.

It's not easy to carve out time to put our marriages first. Sometimes, especially when kids are in the equation, we justify our lack of action and sacrifice because of them. Let me encourage you, whatever it takes to find your spouse amongst the craziness of this life, DO IT.... you'll never regret it. 

Here are some on the pictures of the kids and their super-duper,sugar-free, craft-blasted, spoiled-filled weekend!

Thanks Jenny! All of our love.

~s

You Might Be A Kansas Redneck If........

you harvested 43 tomatoes (from your 2 tomato plants) on november 6th, and are letting them sun in the west window sill so they can turn,and not get ruined by a frost!

you can take the girl out of kansas, but you can't take kansas out of the girl!
~s

We So Said That

alright, so i decided to combine the "i so said that" and "this is what my kids said" concept and came up with, "We So Said That!"

here are a few that i can remember.

we were praying about my dad's upcoming surgery on his belly button and the girls were taking turns praying for Poppo.  Lucy's prayer: " Dear God, thank you for this food (mind you we were not at the dinner table rather getting ready for bed) and thank you for Poppo's belly button! AMEN!"

me to julia: julia, if you continue to scare lucy about her upcoming shots i will request that the doctor also give you a shot while we are there :0! (mother-of-the-year, i know)

~s

literature plug:
The Vaccine Book by Dr. Robert Sears

as per littlejohn, we do not really do anything "normal" around here. since Lucy's birth we have done loads of research about vaccines and have made the decision that we would vaccinate our kids with the combined knowledge of our reading and insight from a trusted doctor who did not have an agenda. The book i listed was SO incredibly helpful and full of medical information and statistics, that were neither fear based nor money driven. we are not anti-vaccine. we just want to be fully be in control of our children's medical beginnings. and for us, that just looks different than the pediatric vaccine schedule.

Pecked Like a Chicken

one of my favorite motherhood quotes is the following, "sometimes being the mother of small children (and large children) is like being pecked by a chicken all day long!"

mom, can you help?
mom, can you read to me?
mom, can you wipe my nose?
mom, can you help me with my math?
no, mom!
yes, mom!
please, mom!
stop, mom!
feed me, bathe me, tie my shoe, button my coat, PECK! PECK! PECK!


sometimes amongst the many requests my response is, "if you need me then you have to come help me do whatever i am doing!"

don't get my wrong, i love reading to the kids, i love coloring with them and playing Uno, but sometimes i have things that need some attention, like cleaning out a pan that has been in the sink for 3 days. :)

yesterday, julia "needed" to be with me... so, she got to clean the pan. actually, she begged and begged to clean it. who am i to refuse her such a request?

hang in their moms!
~s

Living in the Storm Part III: Thankfulness

I Corinthians 11:23-24
²³For I received from the Lord that which I also delivered to you, that the Lord Jesus in the night in which He was betrayed took bread;
 ²⁴and when He had given thanks, He broke it and said, "This is My body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of Me."

Jesus, mere hours away from suffering some of the cruelest torture humanity has ever invented, and then even more painful; bearing every thought and deed of human sinfulness upon His shoulders, feeling the weight of evil invade and penetrate His perfect heart; ALONE, separated from His Father, gave pause with his best of friends and the worst of enemy to give thanks.

I would have loved to have heard that prayer of thanksgiving. Did He simply give thanks for the bread, wine, and the feast that lie before Him?  Did He give thanks to His father for his friends, and his enemy? Knowing all that He knew, did He thank the triune God for the opportunity to suffer, beaten and torn, to reclaim all that were lost? Was it short and sweet or long and passionate? Did he cry? Or was He his voice strong and smooth as I have always imagined it being. Did his friends hear the words he prayed or were they distracted by smells and sight of the feast? Oh, one glorious day I will ask Him what He prayed.

It is not lost on me that on the most difficult night of Jesus' life he stopped and gave thanks. He knew the bloody path that He would soon be walking.  He knew all the pain His body would suffer, he created the human body and all of its intricacies. He knew that He was going to have to plunge the depths of hell on that night to save His beloved..... And He gave thanks.

It's November. It's the month of Thanksgiving. And even in this month there are many that are suffering some of the darkest days and nights of their lives. Oh, Christian, you are not alone! The road you walk is not unknown by your God.  The pain and agony that threatens to paralyze your joy is not far from the Father's mind. When death is staring you in the face, whether it's physical, emotional, or spiritual death..... pause, just as our Jesus did, and give thanks! The Lamb who was slain is worthy of all praise, glory and honor.

These posts about "living in the storm" are typically dedicated to the journey that I am walking on in regards to my mom's battle with Alzheimer's. Today this post about Thanksgiving is only an option for my heart b/c I am watching my mom and dad dance this dance of angelic thanksgiving and trust during the darkest days of their lives. We are not thankful for the disease and all the things that we are saying goodbye to. No, no, we are thankful for the unending, everlasting, never fading, always present,  God who is near to us. We are thankful for each other and the support, laughter, and constant reminder that we are not alone. We are thankful for the 65 years of life my mom has lived. And for every single day that we have with her and with each other! No mom, this is not your eulogy this, this is our dance of thanksgiving to YOU!!

Happy Thanksgiving Month,
~s