I was so tired from keeping up with my VERY inquisitive two year old Katie, while simultaneously preparing myself mentally, emotionally, and physically to love another child. I was convinced it wasn't possible. I had already labeled myself "Rachel" because I just knew I couldn't help but show favoritism to my Katie. "I guess this is what all parents feel when they add a second baby, but no one cares to tell you about it, just like the forget to mention the football sized pads you wear after you deliver a child! Abhorrent!" I thought.
How could any other child steal my heart the way this dominant two year old had done? Katie had changed our lives with an equation we never knew existed. For real, how in THE WORLD were there enough hours in the day to completely and utterly care for TWO BABIES? Katie was all consuming, or so we thought..... (ah, such a familiar sentiment! :)..
The stress test revealed a stress-less, "perfectly" healthy heart beat, "strong and steady!" the nurse reported, (I should have known then). They unplugged the heart prongs from my belly and sent me home.
October 20th, 2005, my mom pulled into the driveway from the airport as I reached down to grab a skillet from the bottom kitchen draw, and VOILA... a real contraction took me over. I smiled, "this baby might just come tonight."
All night I contracted. I paced the halls, not wanting to wake any one up until I "knew". I took a bath, laid on the couch, and ultimately was so relieved I was feeling real pain, because real pain meant something real was going to happen. At some point, I was unable to calm myself through the contractions, so I woke up Mark. "Are you sure?" he said. "Yes, please take me to the hospital!"
It was the Friday before fall break at MSU, Mark was a freshman in the engineering school. We decided 3 babies during 4 years of engineering school sounded like a challenge. :) Lunacy!
When we checked in early that morning, I was already dilated to a 4. So thankful to be progressing! My birthing plan had specified that I wanted to receive the epidural around a six, to assure that when transition took placed I was nice and comfortable. "Birthing plan" should indicate to anyone reading, that I was still young and naive after this whole birthing process. :) Around 10:40 am, I remember a distinct change in the way the contractions began to feel. Really, really uncomfortable. The nurse came in and I told her I was ready for the epidural. She checked and very calmly told me I was at a 6 and 100% effaced. I was elated. My plan was going smashingly.
About ten minutes later, right around 10:55 am, a fully masked and scrubbed out doctor entered the room. I thought it was the anesthesiologist. I wanted to kiss their face. I kept thinking, "relief! sweet relief is coming!" At one point, I recognized the eyes peeking out from behind the mask. "Dr. Furniss, are you giving me my epidural?" "How sweet!" I thought, "she left her practice in the middle of the morning to give my epidural. Wow! Such great customer service!" Before I could offer my thanks, Dr Furniss laid her hand on my leg and gently said, "Sara, the baby's head is pushing directly against the amniotic sac, and the minute the sac breaks this baby is going to be here. There is no time, nor is it safe, to give you an epidural at this point." "But, but, the nurse just said I was a 6! Please, please, give me an epidural!!" I begged. "Sara, you can do this! You are 10 now and the baby is right here!" the doctor encouraged. "No, I can't. I can't do this. I can't do this!" I wailed!
Right around this time Uncle Zach called to check in on the progress. Uncle Zach heard one contraction and hung up praying that sounds from the pit could some how be erased from his memory. 9 years later, and he still suffers from post traumatic stress syndrome :)
At 11:05, Dr. Furniss broke my water and it was time to push.... The pain of child birth cannot be described, but the combination of child birth pain plus fear and unpreparedness, equals the worst kind of pain. I had not even given ONE glance at the possibility of NOT being able to have an epidural. I had spent ZERO time mentally preparing for a natural birth. And that was a HUGE mistake. When I had Anderson, I had a drug free birth, it was a million miles different because I spent concentrated time on preparing.
I pushed once, twice, three times and baby's head came out... "Wait, wait, wait, Sara, don't push again! The cord is wrapped around the baby's neck, once.... twice..... yep, three times" Dr. Furniss's voice was so level and neutral as she unwrapped the cord. It wasn't until later I realized the seriousness of the cord being wrapped so tight around baby's neck. "Alright, one more push and we are going to figure our what this baby is!" My eyes rolled back into my head on my final push, and the greatest sensation of relief consumed my body. "IT'S A GIRL!" Dr. Furniss erupted. "A girl!" I thought. "I love girls!" I sobbed.
They wrapped up the tiniest bundle my eyes had ever seen and laid her in my arms. I was having after shocks from labor, my arms were so weak and shaking, but that baby girl in my arms made EVERYTHING better.
Her name was Julia Waitz, and the second our eyes meet all insecurity disappeared. "Oh, I can do this. I can love two babies. I can love two girl babies. I already love this Julia with every fiber pulsing through my bones," I thought.
Nine years later, I would describe Julia the exact way the nurse did, "strong and steady heart beat".
Julia,
Nine. Years. Old! Our hearts can hardly handle it. Your face got narrower this year, your legs lost any sign of little-ness as they stretched so long and tall, and your heart matured in beautifully-crazy ways. I love loving you! I am so mesmerized by all I'm learning about you! Your creative brain exploded this year in ways I never knew existed and I'm so impressed. We are SO glad God gave us the indescribable gift we find in you. Enjoy your final single digit year; it's simple and undefiled just as it should be!
We delight in YOU, Jules Vern!!
~ Mama and Daddy
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